I love watching "19 kids and counting". You know, its the show about the Duggars. The Arkansas couple that has 19 kids and 2 grand-kids. The show has been on for several years and each year since the show has aired they have had to change the name because Michelle keeps popping them out. I thought there was a possibility that next year the name was going to be 20 kids and counting but during the last episode Jim Bob mentioned that he thought their childbearing years were over.
In an episode called "38 kids and counting", the Duggars travel cross country in their tour bus, yes all 18 kids went with them, to visit another family that has 19 kids as well. I was struck by a conversation between Jim Bob and the other father. They both said that they were the happiest men on the earth because of the "Blessings (children) that He had bestowed on them." I was taken aback by their comment because there are people in this world that have 1 child and think that they are a hindrance to their life. They don't see them as blessings, they see them as obstacles.
I have 3 kids and more times then I would rather admit I haven't thought of them as blessings. Not to say that my kids aren't great but like all kids, some days are better then others. Each one of my children have had their own challenges growing up, my oldest especially.
One thing I don't like about "19 kids and counting" is that though its reality TV, it seems unreal because they don't ever show their kids struggling with tough stuff. Now I realize that as a homeschooling family with a strict belief system, they are not faced with the same challenges as most families are but sometimes its hard to relate to the Duggars and their "perfect" kids.
All kids face challenges, I'm sure if the Duggar kids went to public school or spent more time outside the confines of their home, their beliefs and values would be most certainly challenged. Like I said above, all of my children have faced challenges but I'd have to say that my oldest has done more struggling in his short 16 years then most people do in a lifetime.
When kids struggle I think its harder on the parents then it is on the kids, because the kids have a choice to make things better, the parents can't make them choose so all the parents can do is watch and wait. Although sometimes the parents do have a choice, they can choose to either continue to support their children while they struggle or not. But when you get to that point, most of the time there is only one option and its often a heart-breaking one.
Though my oldest has struggled for the past 10 years and especially for the last 2, I'm very proud of where he is now. Unfortunately I was faced with the decision to support or not to support him while he struggled. It was one of the hardest choices I had to make and my heart was tormented for almost a year while I had to keep him at arms length, but about 3 months ago I was finally able to see through my hurt and see the change that had taken place in him.
18 months ago I had all but given up on him. During that time I was certain that he was not a blessing. I had poured my heart and soul into him for months, years even and all I had gotten were lies and fakery. Obviously I couldn't help someone that didn't want to help themselves, plus I needed to recover from my own hurt so I made the decision to stop being involved in his life.
6 months ago if you would have asked me if he would ever be in my life again I would have given you a firm "No". I was so hurt by my son that I yelled at him in front of a room full of people during a meeting we were having several months ago but it was that meeting that started to melt my heart. It was the first time in years that I saw him cry and actually feel bad about what he had been doing to himself and our family. I had been carrying all of his guilt for all these years and finally he had shown that he had been affected by our suffering.
However it wasn't until a few months later that I had a moment when I finally let go of the hurt and anger. It was in that moment that I realized that no matter his struggles he was still a blessing and that his struggles were bringing him closer to his Heavenly Father and to our family.
Over the past several months I have been introduced to a totally different child. About 2 months ago He made a Fresh Start and then was water baptized. He's excited about getting to serve and really connecting in with our church home.
You can't always predict what children will do with their lives. Whether they will get good grades or behave well or even adhere to your standards and values. I bet even the Duggar parents pray everyday that their children will continue to follow in their footsteps and continue walking closely with their Heavenly Father, but what you can be assured of is that even wayward kids are still under the close watch of Him. He never leaves us or forsakes us. Even when we think we are far from His reach, He still has hold of us. But sometimes you just have to learn the hard way and in learning the hard way, we become even closer to our Creator because eventually we see that His love is unconditional and that He never gave up on us. He was only allowing us to find Him in our own time.
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