Let Him be praised

When I was younger I found that I was pretty good at carrying a tune.  I sang solos, was given awards for my talent and eventually found myself leading Mass on Sundays.  Leading Mass was great but something was missing. 

I eventually left church and wandered for many years, but about 7 years ago I head a small voice calling me back.  Knowing how important music was I made a deal, "Wherever I go, I must be moved by the music.  Your move."  Probably not the way you should talk to Him, but that was the deal.  I needed to be moved immediately by the music or I would leave.  I was tired of knowing about Him but never feeling Him move within me.  So shortly thereafter I heard a commercial on the radio about a local church, not knowing anything about it I went the following Sunday.

This was no church I had ever been to, I was used to stain glass windows and organs and long rows of pews.  This was like going to a concert.  There was a full band, projection equipment and stage lighting.  I was intrigued but not yet convinced.  So I waited for the "show" to commence.  I was not let down, immediately when the music started, tears came to my eyes.  Yet again I had asked for a sign, and there it was.

I immersed myself in all things at this church, but as I look back I realize that my head got to big to come through the front doors.  I knew I was a great singer, heck I had won awards for my talent, so I was going to show them how great I was, but funny things happen when you start depending on yourself and not on Him and I was about to soon learn that hard lesson.

One of the things that drew me to worship at this church was that people actually raised their hands and looked towards heaven as they sang.  I found that, that was what was missing from singing at my old church.  My whole body needed to be involved in worshiping Him.  As I raised my hands, I felt as though I was submitting to His power and in lifting my hands I was just that much closer to Him to whom I was worshiping. 

But when it came time for me to audition, I forgot Who I was auditioning for and I couldn't sing.  Oh boy did I try, I acted like I had it together but inside I was falling apart.  It was like I hadn't taken those 10 years of voice lessons, I simply could not keep on pitch.  Though I walked out with my head held high thinking that even on my worse day I was better then the other people that auditioned.  I even mentioned that I had preformed as a prestigious female lead character in college.  What was I thinking? 

But thankfully all was not lost, He would use this opportunity to teach me something.  Instead of putting me on the front line like I had hoped, He put me in a room of elementary school kids.  I thought to myself that this would be a breeze and that I could teach these kids a thing or two about worship, but again I was wrong and He taught me another lesson all together. 

Children don't have any preconceived notions on how things are supposed to be done.  As adults especially those of us that grew up in traditional churches, raising our hands just doesn't come naturally, but these kids didn't know that.  They raised their hands because it was what they were taught, they had no idea that some people would laugh at them if they saw them raising their hands in other churches.  I didn't realize how important that lesson would be until I left that church and started attend one that still has a lot of it's traditional roots.

After getting married my husband was asked to play on the worship team at another local church.  After being humbled I had decided that maybe He didn't want me to lead worship but to just soak things up in the congregation.  So I didn't search out the worship team, I stayed back knowing that He would put me where I needed to go.  But a funny thing happened, I was asked to join the worship team. However I hadn't learned my lesson in humility quite yet, because I immediately boasted that I once was a worship leader.  But luckily He let that one slide because the greatest lesson was to come.

I had been to a couple of Sunday services and noticed that no one raised their hands so I was nervous about doing it myself.  I spoke to the worship leader and he assured me that no one would think any differently about me if I did, but I still wasn't sure.  So slowly I gained confidence and now people stop me in the hallway and comment on how much they enjoy watching me worship.  Humbly and with embarrassment I thank them and walk away.  Why would I be embarrassed you ask? Because it's not for other people's enjoyment that I worship the way I do.  I do it for Him.  I do it because I have been called by Him to worship extravagantly.  

Recently I was asked to lead worship for a retreat, I was extremely flattered that I was asked since no one in my church has actually heard me sing alone, but at the same time I was floored that He saw it fit that I hold that position, since I had long given up the idea of leading worship again.  That night I prayed because in my mind leading worship is extremely important, it sets the mood of the day and of the weekend.  It's worship that moves Him to come and dwell in that place, that's a lot of pressure. 

But I was also praying for a word to give to the guests at the retreat, something that would put their minds at ease when they saw someone like me worshiping.  The guests come from all different places and some would be shocked to see someone jumping up and down during worship.

So I prayed, number one for calmness and secondly for a word from Him, and it came.  This time it was loud and clear and the words that I heard were for me as well as for the guests.  He said, "You are not worshiping for them, you are worshiping for Me.  Worship like there is nobody else there." 

That word reminded me that it's not about my ability, it's about my heart.  It speaks to me about a lot more then worship as well.  It reminds me that He will take what I bring and make it good.  It reminds me that though I am not worthy, when I raise my face to Him, He warms me with His love. 

Will I still be embarrassed if someone comments on my worship, probably, but if I open their heart to extravagant worship then my embarrassment will have been worth it.