Talking to myself --- UPDATE

When I got my sign the other morning and then argued about it with Him on my way to work, my response to His correction about my ungratefulness was, "fine, we will see what the day holds".

Well...I thought I was wining the argument for a moment because of something that didn't happen.  However, unfortunately for me, it did happen, it just didn't happen as quickly as I would have hoped.  Then a little while later, I got another sign and then another.  A loving friend of mine often reminds me to "be careful what you pray for, you just might get it", this was one of those times.  I appreciate His humor in my life, and this was His gracious way of shaking me to get me to open my eyes and see the big picture, because I now realize that I got what I prayed for, not just the sign but one of the specific things I had asked for.

What's the old saying...you can't see the forest because of the trees?  Well what I had asked for is so common place that I totally missed it when I got it, so later when I had the opportunity to be silent and patient, I opened my big mouth.  Now had I chosen my words carefully, this might have been an opportunity to have another one of my specifics answered, but instead I let my head take over and was sarcastic about an issue.  Later as I lay there apologizing to Him for my mouth, I remembered how hard change can be especially when it's personal change.   

Now I know it's only been a week since I have been practicing keeping my mouth shut but I'm starting to believe that the other old saying...you can't teach an old dog new tricks, is correct.  I am also reminded of what I believe Albert Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results." 

Obviously I know that my previous actions of impatience and mouthiness don't get the results that I want, so why can't I learn to keep my mouth shut?  I'd like to place the blame on someone or something and probably I would be right to blame society for my loud mouth, but if I have learned anything through the last 15 months I have learned that I am the one in control of my mouth and my emotions and I can't blame anyone else for my actions. 

So I am a work in progress, I thank Him everyday for that and in fact I was reminded this morning of how His mercy is new each day.  Even with my sarcasm and mouthiness from the night before, I got another sign this morning.  I guess it bothers me that I am not catching on as quickly as I do with other things, but as long as He doesn't give up on me (and I know He won't), I won't give up either.