Basically Day 1's dare is not to say anything negative to you spouse. Yeah, I know, I know but I am using this as a learning tool for all of my relationships and boy is it hard. Technically the dare says, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I can do that. Sure, I can bite my lip but my head is spinning with not so nice things to say, so I don't feel like I can move past day one until I get my head as well as my mouth under control.
Recently I was reminded of something that I had heard from Him many months ago. I don't remember the scripture but it was basically that a women can change a man's heart by her quiet actions. He told me to be quiet and continue to walk in His ways. That was a time of much tongue biting and still today I hold my tongue when I could certainly say something ugly, the problem is the people around me are not changing and as the days pass I continue to struggle with my thoughts.
I lied...I have gotten past day one many months ago. I actually got to day 10 but when I was doing all that I thought I was supposed to do and I didn't get anything in reciprocation, I all but gave up. So when I decided to start again I was determined to do it right so hopefully there would be results this time, but as I reflect I don't think that is what the Love Dare is about.
Funny the last line of the first chapter says, "The Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to posses is patience. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it's a race worth running."
A marathon is a long way. It's 26.2 miles and when you train for a marathon you never actually go that far until the day of the race. You don't know if you can actually make it the entire way. You set out with a lofty goal, you might have a time that you are shooting for but it's your determination that pulls you through.
As someone that aspires to one day be called a runner, I know that motivation is a big factor in getting to that point when you can call yourself an athlete. You can find all kinds of excuses to sit on the couch and watch TV or spend your entire day on Facebook. Right now you roast the moment you step outside and thinking about running in that kind of heat really messes with your head, but you will never get anywhere if you don't make that first step.
Motivation means all kinds of things to different people, but motivation comes from the inside. Runners rarely run so that people will praise them or for recognition. They run because it gives them a feeling that only running can give. They see positive changes in themselves and in turn it makes them feel better about themselves.
I know I wrote about my motivation during my weight loss. The other day I saw that very picture and had to smile because I didn't look that way any more. I've even seen pictures of me from years before and am still very proud of how far I have come, but my motivation came from the inside. Yes, the comments about my shrinking were great, but not as great as I felt each time I passed what I considered a milestone.
So then what is my motivation for the Love Dare and why am I stuck on Day 1? Well I can tell you why I'm stuck on Day 1...fear. I am afraid of what might happen in my relationships as I continue on the journey. It's a fear of loss and gain. I'm afraid to lose someone else and I am afraid to let my guard down and let someone in. I have my moments of course. One day I might be feeling very brave and open the door to my heart and other days I am scared and I cling to the few that I cherish. Fear is holding me back from taking that first step.
It's funny because fear is the only thing that stand between me and running. As someone that knows something about anatomy and the functionality of joints I know that movement is important to keep them healthy, but as someone with a knee that makes terrible noise when I climb the stairs, I'm scared that I might make it worse. The doctor says I can run, the physical therapist says I can run. I can walk faster then most people who jog can run and I don't have any problems but that fear of the unknown keeps me from putting that kick in my step and turning from a fitness walker into a runner.
I read this in my devotional the other day:
You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control. Instead of striving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in a greater depth and breadth. I long to make your life a glorious adventure but you must stop clinging to old ways. I am always doing something new within My beloved ones. Be on the lookout for all that I have prepared for you.
I was struck by that entire passage but the part that stuck out was, "I long to make your life a glorious adventure but you must stop clinging to old ways." I can't go on an adventure full of fear. Fear keeps you from experiencing life. Fear keeps you from taking that leap of faith into the great unknown. I must, as someone once told me, "Participate don't anticipate." Stop worrying about the outcome and focus on the present. Make my motivation internal and not external.
Follow me on my 40 day journey as I work through the Love Dare. I can't promise that I will post everyday but I will post several times a week. My hope is that as I reflect on each day's dare I will come closer to His heart and I will, "Be on the lookout for all that I have prepared for you."
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