Lessons from the Kitchen

I've unfortunately/fortunately been given more time to think this week, so I thought I would do some blogging and share some thoughts with you...

We are in a powerful series at church called Hustle and Flow and I've really been touched by Pastor John's messages over the past 3 weeks.  Basically we are studying the lives of His chosen people through 1st and 2nd Chronicles.  The theme of 1st and 2nd Chronicles is the chosen people's faithfulness vs. unfaithfulness, but the reality of the books is that even back in the Old Testament, He is always faithful even when we are not. 

If you've grown up in a believing household you're taught from an early age that His love is unconditional and that's really easy to believe when your 5 or 10 or maybe even when your 15 but as you get older and especially if you've strayed from the faith you begin to wonder if it is true but the fact is even people strong in the faith go through trials.  In fact the Good Book assures us that there will be hard times but it also reminds us that He is always faithful, faithful to a thousand generations.

Today after I recovered from shock after my teenager apologized to me for his attitude, I realized that we are really more like teenagers then we would like to admit. We get mad at "Dad" when things aren't going our way or our attitude gets all ugly when we think that something isn't fair and we pout about it for hours if not days. 

I don't know that I'm a good parent especially a good parent of a teenager but I do know that I love my children unconditionally.  My oldest has had some real struggles in his life and is really just now getting back on track.  We've had our moments over the past 3 years and yes I have had to distance myself from him but I never stopped loving him. 

My son has been struggling with his unconditional love for others since last Tuesday.  Apparently there is a kid in his class that he knows from a treatment program that he was in.  He can't understand why this "bad kid" is getting the same opportunity that he is.  Granted I don't know what this kid has done in the past but I can't get my son to understand that we all deserve a second chance, heck even tenth and twentieth chances.  I mean please, if we got what we deserved then even my son wouldn't have gotten the chance to get the same opportunity as the "bad kid". 

Yesterday I totally wanted to kick my son is the butt because of his nasty attitude but I didn't.  I had solutions to his problems but when I asked if he wanted to know and he said no, I shut my mouth.  This morning when he barked at me because I suggested that the frozen bread would be thawed by lunch time so using it would be fine, I didn't bark back at him although I hadn't had my coffee so not barking back was a God thing anyway. 

Although I am still convinced that my son was abducted by aliens, I think we can relate to his story.  He has the answers to the problems, He's just waiting on you to ask for help.  Although you deserve a swift kick in the butt, He's waiting patiently for you to stop pouting and look heavenward for direction.  Even though you got angry and barked at Him, He's waiting with open arms to comfort you and show you that there is a better way.

I've been stirred by the sermon series and especially this past Sunday's because it was about seeking Him and I've realized that lately I've done a really bad job of it.  I've gotten all wrapped up in myself, really feeling sorry for myself that things aren't moving the way I would want them to and after Pastor Leslie's surprise appearance on stage two Saturday's ago I see that yet again I've been trying to make Him fit in my timeline. 

(Warning, please do not come up to me in church and tell me "It's all in God's perfect timing."  If you do my unconditional love for you will go out the window!)

Anyway apparently He has decided to made room in my schedule for more time with Him and with others and whereas I happily make time for other people in my life, I am terrible at making room for Him.

I'm good at purposefully making time for people, especially people I love, but quiet time has always been a struggle because I am well aware that I am flawed and I'm always convicted about another one of my issues during quiet time and frankly none of us wants to hear about our obvious character flaws. 

Is your quiet time is lacking because He is trying to teach you something about yourself?  Are you like my son and often when you hear Him talking all you hear is condemnation so you stop listening or start defending?  This week even if it is a few minutes a day, take a moment and just listen.  Keep an open mind and just listen to what the Spirit has to say to you.  You might think it's condemnation but I promise that if you just listen a while longer you'll realize it's love.

He is the controller of all things

After an hour of decompressing to my therapist, she looks at me and says, "You know all of these things you've just told me are completely out of your control.  Your homework is to make a list of things you can control."  My answer to her was, "Are you trying to make me feel better of worse?" She then says, "You need to feel empowered about something so you don't have to feel helpless about these other things."

So I started wondering what it was that I could control...

I don't like surprises so I tend to obsess about keeping things in my control.  I could tell you the sob story of my life and why I don't like surprises but I like to know when something is coming and not get smacked in the face by something I maybe could have done something about.  My biggest fear is lack of communication because without communication I can't see things coming and when I can't see things coming I feel out of control and that means something could surprise me and I don't like surprises!

Obviously the only thing I can control is myself.  I can control my actions, my thoughts, my feelings, my words, etc, but I don't know if that makes me feel empowered.

So what do you do when the world seems to be spinning out of control?

"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world.  When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms.  This is the way of Peace, living in the Light of My Presence.  I guarantee that you will always have problems in this life, but they must not become your focus. When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circumstances, say "Help me, Jesus!" and I will draw you back to Me. If you have to say that thousands of times daily, don't be discouraged.  I know your weakness, and I meet you in that very place."  Jesus Calling

 I totally forget that when thing are out of control, I can call on the One who is in control.  I forget because, just like all of us, we want to do everything in our power but we soon find out that we really have no control over most of the events in our lives. 

In Matthew 14, Mark 6 and John 6 there is a story about the Son walking on water.  When the disciples see Him they are frightened, He calls out to them, "Take courage! It is I.  Don't be afraid."  Peter replies, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water."  The Son says, "Come" and Peter did.

Peter takes a few steps and becomes very afraid.  As he starts sinking he cries out, "Lord, save me!"  The Son immediately reaches out his hand and pulls Peter up and says to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

I know the Father is watching out for me.  I know He is willing and able to help me, I just have to ask for the help.  Unfortunately it's the asking that is so hard.

We don't want to give in to the fact that we can't stop the madness without help.  We want to do it all on our own.  We want to believe that we have all the power we need to control people and things that are really outside our control.  We only have control over ourselves and our actions, so we should use that control to open our mouths and ask for help.   

Use the control that He has given you.  Open your mouth and be heard On High.  Cry out to Him and He will answer.

His servant is blameless and upright

I am under attack.  Even though intellectually I know that things are fine, my heart is being flooded with doubt and despair.  Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever been in the middle of a head and heart argument?

Without giving an anatomy lesson I'll just tell you that your heart isn't controlled by your conscious mind.  It's an involuntary muscle that beats without a single thought from us.  It's just like breathing.  We don't have to think every few seconds, breathe in...now out...again.  It just happens.  So getting your heart and mind to agree on most anything is going to be quite the battle. 

The next several weeks are kind of an anniversary for me, "The end of the end."  The beginning of the end happened years ago so between now and Valentine's Day is a really tough reminder of a pretty painful time in my life.  I don't remember much about this time last year but something pretty significant must have happened  on January 23, 2011 because it was on that day this year that the attack began.  

This morning He woke me up quite early.  I don't know what time it was but I do know it was pouring rain and very dark.  I barely opened my eyes to gauge the time but I immediately started talking to Him.  I was so frustrated about a situation from the day before I couldn't keep my mouth shut, but He waited for me.  He didn't try to interrupt but I could just barely hear Him trying to gently remind me that although He would wait for me to finish, He had heard me the night before and if I didn't be still and quiet for a moment I wouldn't be able to hear what He had to say on the matter.  So I tried my very best to close my mouth and listen.

You know I don't know about you but We actually have regular conversations.  People look at me funny when I say that but We actually do.   I talk He listens, when He talks I listen.  So whenever He wakes me up before the sunrise I tend to pay really close attention.  More then likely what He has to say must be pretty important because He knows I'm not a morning person. 

So this morning through the no-caffeine fog I heard Him tell me the following:

1. Not everything you are feeling is the truth. You know the truth in your head.  You can see the truth and I know you know the difference between the truth you feel and the lies your past is telling you.  
2. You know better then anyone else what you and your children need.  Don't let people make you feel powerless.  Don't allow people to patronize you or make you feel inferior.  Stand up and be heard.  
3. Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel.  Don't let the actions of people in your past stand in the way of your happiness.  Remember the past can't hurt you unless you let it.  It's OK to be excited about your future.  Look forward to it, but don't let your fear hold you back.

I have PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Most people know about PTSD because they hear about it on the news when journalists talk about the stress of war on the men and women that defend our liberties.  Solders with PTSD often talk about not being able to relate to their families once they return home.  They are so scarred from the trauma of war that they don't feel that their actual reality is actual reality.  They jump at ever noise.  Every cry from their baby or child reminds them of death.  A simple backfire from a truck driving down their street can send them into attack mode.  My PTSD is triggered by certain body language and tone of voice.  It doesn't matter who is talking to me when I see and hear that combination my body goes on high alert. 

Your brain is an amazing creation.  Just like breathing and your heat rhythm, it does most things without a conscious though.  Synapses are fired, hormones and other chemicals are released without you ever knowing it.  There are parts of your brain that are triggered by sights and smells and sounds.   It can literally re-wire itself after injury or traumatic event, so when it's been conditioned to respond to a stimulus in a certain way after a long period of time it's not just as easy as flipping a switch to return the response to normal.   

It's interesting that He said that I know the difference between reality and my past. I know He's right.  I know I know the truth.  I know I know better then anyone else, even those with clinical degrees, on what myself and my children need.  I know I shouldn't be afraid to tell people how I feel.  I know that the people I have around me do not act the same as those in the past.  I know all these things yet conquering fear is really tough. 

So what do you do when faced with fear?  When I think about fear I think about Job (no not job as in something you do, Job like as in the Old Testament guy).  Job's story is very interesting, he was minding his business doing what he thought was right, following the laws when all of a sudden his life is turned upside down with trauma after trauma.  Bad things happen left and right to Job. 

In Job 2, the Creator and the Evil One are having a conversation and He says this about Job: “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.”  The Evil One answers back and says basically that once he has his way with him, he will curse and run from the Holy One.  So the Evil One departs and starts trying to break Job of his righteousness.

Job never gives in.  His friends tell him to.  His wife tells him to, but all the while he remains "blameless and upright".  Job had all the reasons to believe that He had forsaken him.  He was under major attack by the Evil One.  His head and heart were battling with each other yet he never turned and ran. I believe He knew that ultimately he was chosen for battle because he was in His favor.

I know that I must be doing something right to come under attack like this.  Obviously if I had been forsaken He wouldn't have needed my attention so early this morning.  Sometimes in the battle of the heart and mind you simply need to be reminded that deep inside of you is the truth.  The truth is powerful. The truth lets you know that you have the power inside of you to overcome your fear, your past, your hurt or anything else that is standing in the way of your fulfillment. It may seem cliche' but embrace the truth within you. Don't let the shadows of your past hold you back any longer.         

His many blessings of 2011, Part 2

The other day I started a 3 part series, click here if you'd like to read Part 1. 

In Part 1, I thanked my son Brandon for his part in my transformation during 2011.  In Part 2, I'd like to thank another participant. 

I can say a lot about my next honoree.  He is truly blessed with an amazing ability to work with the gifts of The Spirit.  I have a few other friends that have that ability, all of which are major blessings to me, but his abilities stands out among them. I talked a little about him in this post, but I thought I would brag on him a little more.   

I'm 36 years old, been married more then once, yet there have been a lot of firsts in our relationship.  Although I can't remember my youth clearly, I do know he is the first man to consistently open my door for me.  Others did once or twice but as soon as they thought they had caught me, they stopped, but 9 months later he is still doing it.  I'm still not used to it though, often I have to stop from doing it myself.  I just hope I never take it for granted.

He's the first that simply listens.  No advice.  No football on behind me.  No constantly looking at his phone or watch to see how long I've been talking.  Just quiet patience as I get it off my chest and because of that I find it much easier to talk to him about "us".  I think he thinks we talk to much about it but never does he get mad or show any frustration.  He simply says that he doesn't want to talk about that now but if I want to we can.  That's not something I am used to either.  In the past I've been worried about opening my mouth and speaking up about something but now it's so easy I probably do it to much.

He's the first that I feel a close friendship with.  It's probably this way because we were just friends at first.  We learned to connect with each other on a much more "formal" level.  Not that our current relationship is "informal" but things change when you hold hands or kiss for the first time.  I really just like being with him.  We don't have to be doing anything.  Just sitting together have the strangest conversations, poking fun at each other and just enjoying each others presence. 

He apologizes more then any man I've known, which is very refreshing. Normally I'm the one that is always apologizing but he is quick to apologize when it is warranted. He tries much harder then most of the men that have been in my life.  I have totally fallen for him, yet he continues to pursue me.  He's always looking for new ways to enhance our relationship.  He invests in me for my benefit not just his or ours.  He's helped me pick up the pieces of my heart over the past 9 months.  Never complaining about how long it was taking or how much energy he was having to invest.  He's quick to call when I need him.  He's starting to let go of his independence and we are getting closer because of it.      

He honors me with his words that he speaks to me and to others.  He values my thoughts and feelings.  He blesses me with his grace and his compassion. I am privileged to call him my friend and I feel honored that he thinks about me when he thinks about the future.

His many blessings of 2011, Part 1

I started this blog in October 2010, right after what I would have considered a miracle that happened in my marriage, but shortly there after the magic of that miracle started to dissipate and by the New Year it was completely gone. I spent Valentine's Day 2011 in a strange new bed.  I was surrounded by friends but still felt completely alone.  I was broken and angry.  Lost in the darkness of the wilderness with no hope for a way out.

Thankfully, I ended 2011 in a much better place.  No longer alone.  No longer in the wilderness and with most of my pieces put back together.

I spent a lot of 2011 living in the past or at least anticipating the future based on my past experiences but as the year progressed I started looking forward to the future. 

Over the next couple of days I'd like to thank 3 people that helped see me through this year.  Yes there are many others that helped along the way.  I couldn't have done it without my friends and my parents but there are 3 people that really had an impact in my life this year.  Without them I might still be in the dark and certainly still in pieces. 

Firstly, I'd like to thank my son Brandon.  Unfortunately at the beginning of the year I blamed him for most of my problems.  He had been an easy target for blame since September 29th, 2009.  And because his actions were mentioned during the arguing and fighting that lead to my lonely Valentine's Day it was even easier this time to place the blame on his shoulders.  I will never forget how badly I treated him during those first few months of the year.  I know he has forgiven me for it, but I still hold myself accountable for the tears in his eyes when he just sat there allowing me to be angry and yell at him.  Thankfully both of us have changed since then, well really mostly me, he had done most of his work already leading up to the beginning of the year, but he has really taught me some important lessons in life.

In church you hear a lot about grace and forgiveness.  Both are great to hear about.  You learn that they are freely given from the Father but when you have to put them to practical use and extend those to people that you know especially ones that have truly hurt you it's a totally different story.  I am really good at extending grace in most situations.  It's really not that big of a deal if you spill milk on my freshly mopped floor or splatter toothpaste on my mirror but the hurt that he had caused was much bigger then a dirty floor or mirror.  It was a deep scar on the hearts of many people.  A scar so deep that some people still haven't found forgiveness, even now two years later. And for a while I thought I was allowed to carry unforgiveness because I saw what happened to my family in the wake of his destruction, but then I remembered this verse.

 ²⁵ And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 NIV

I remembered that verse during a moment in church one Saturday night when Pastor John was praying for healing.  He said "If there is anyone you need to forgive do so now so that you can receive your blessings."  At that moment I realized that I wasn't able to receive the full blessing of my Heavenly Father because my heart was closed due to the unforgiveness I held deep in it. So that night I prayed and wrote Brandon a letter asking for forgiveness and telling him that it was time to move past the past and move forward into the future and so we did, together.

You don't really know how things will work until you just do it.  You can plan and plan but until you are in the thick of it, you're really just guessing about the possibilities.  Luckily both Brandon and I have become very good at extending grace and even though the toilet seat is up more often then down, it's been a blessing having him home. 

       

Put on His love

Back in September, I was 9 days away from finishing the Love Dare.  In my final post I wrote 10 things that I had learned over the study.

I have listed them below:

1. I've always known how difficult relationships can be but when people really believe that they can work they do.
2. I've noticed that dysfunctional relationships are the norm and that healthy relationships are hard to come by.
3. I've found that even though I talk a big game I know nothing about relationships.  If I did I might not have so much knowledge about them.
4. I've discovered that relationships are more then just 50/50, they're about giving your all, all the time.
5. I've learned  that you must make each other a priority and not just an option.
6. I've realized that sometimes the best thing that you can do for your significant other is to just be present in the moment.
7. I've known that sometimes we must get outside our comfort zones to better relate to our partners, but now I see that it is a requirement.
8. I've figured out that the only way to a healthy relationship is to start with a healthy you.
9. I've wised up to the fact that just because you've witnessed dysfunction in the past, you are still worthy of functionality.
10. I've determined that your past has nothing to do with your future. 

If you would have asked me this past winter if I thought I would even venture into another relationship again I would have said no but an unlikely story started to unfold in April of this year. 

I spent Valentine's Day sad and heart-broken but as March approached my whole outlook on life began to change. I started school and started attending Life again in the beginning of April.  I decided that I had enough time to mourn and I needed to start looking forward because I wasn't going anywhere while looking backwards, but I never expected to end up where I am now. 

I am  a hopeless romantic so of course I love the movie Serendipity.  The movie is about two people who meet by chance one winter's night but due to other circumstances they part ways never to meet again.  In the movie the female character writes her number down in a book with the premise that if he ever finds the book again, they were meant to be together.  Years pass, they are both engaged to marry other people and because of cold feet he starts his search for the girl again.  I won't give it away but the ending is every hopeless romantic's dream. 

I met someone by chance in 2004 and there was an instant connection.  I didn't know it at the time but there was a connection on both sides.  Everybody around us was suspicious of our status, yet we remained just friends until that fateful day in the Fall of 2007 when life took me in another direction.

There are some people that you just click with.  Friends that no matter the distance or time, when you see each other again its like you were never gone.  You can talk about or do nothing at all when you are with them and yet you still will have had one of the best nights of your life. People that care enough to help you unpack your hurts, even if its one piece at a time.  People that see you for who you are, yet accept you unconditionally. Those kind of people are kept in a special place in your heart.           

I didn't go looking for him.  I figured he was married with a bunch of kids, but when I saw him from across the parking lot I knew I had to reach out to him.  I really just wanted to apologize to him for leaving abruptly and without an explanation, but what started as a dinner to explain myself ended as the beginning of a journey into a new chapter of my life.

Those 10 points I mentioned all those months ago, I already knew but until now I hadn't had the opportunity to see if they actually meant something.  I don't want to point fingers or say who was right and who was wrong but relationships are between two people and when one or both are not putting on love for each other then the relationship is going to end in heartbreak.

Relationships are hard work.  Choices must be made everyday to choose love over anger or frustration or even hate.  Decisions about priorities are a daily battle.  Life gets in the way.  Work gets in the way.  Technology gets in the way.  Children and other people get in the way.  Its a daily battle to chose each other over the other interruptions in our lives. 

Good flourishing relationships are possible. With dysfunction all around us, it is possible to be content with one person for the rest of your life, but its a choice.

I've made a choice to finish the Love Dare, because I do know something about relationships and I was to continue to learn all I can about how to make them better. 

Made in His image

"Then He said, Let Us make man in our image, in Our likeness and let them rule...So He created man in His own image, male and female He created them." Genesis 1:26-27

I've written about my weight loss journey.  I've gotten many compliments about my dedication and sitck-to-it-ness but that's only have the story.  Yes losing 100 pounds was a major accomplishment but battling with self-image is much more difficult.

I've never thought of myself as beautiful.  I've always believed that there was a lot about me I'd like to change and as I began to gain weight, whatever thoughts of ever becoming beautiful went out the window. I remember there was a time that I avoided full length mirrors.  I wouldn't try on clothes at stores because I would have to get undressed in front of a mirror and look at myself.  I often bought clothes that were to big or baggy to help hide my body.  I got so good at hiding behind my clothes when someone finally noticed that I had lost a lot of weight and I told them how much I had lost, they couldn't believe the number because they couldn't figure out where I had kept all of it.

If you read my post about my weight loss you'll know that I wouldn't allow anyone to take pictures of me after that ill-fated Thanksgiving Day picture that was published on Facebook.  If a picture was mandatory I found ways to cover most of me and hopefully only have my head exposed. If I couldn't look at myself in the mirror there was no way that I would allow other people to see, but even now after all the weight I have lost I still struggle with my body image.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in quite a few years called me beautiful.  I thanked her for her comment but I was struck by it.  Had I always been right in my thinking about not being pretty?  She didn't know me when I was at my heaviest but in my mind there must have been quite a difference in 5 years ago and now.

This was the other verse I read during my quiet time this morning:

"And I praise You because of the wonderful ways you created me.  Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt.  With Your own eyes saw my body being formed.  Even before I was born, You had written in Your book everything I would                             do."  Psalm 139:14

David wrote that verse.  I imagine him dancing (David did a lot of dancing) around in front of a mirror admiring His work on him.  I am getting better at dancing in front of the mirror and admiring my accomplishment but changing 20 years of thinking is hard work.  I see the difference.  I feel the difference and I look different but thinking differently is totally different. 

There is even a disorder called Body Dysmorphic Disorder that is common among women and men that have eating disorders. BDD sufferers actually see themselves as fat.  When they look in the mirror they see a totally different image of what is actually there.  You can't convince them that they are bone skinny.  They believe that people are lying to them about what the scale says.  Most people with untreated BDD die because they diet themselves to death.  They are never happy with what they see in the mirror.  No amount of talk will ever convince them that they are beautiful.  They see fat and they see ugly.

Those that do get diagnosed go through intensive therapy to re-wire their brains and thought patterns. There is research that is proving that their brains have been miss-wired because of the bad thought processes that have been going on for years. Bad thought connections have to be replaced with good thoughts and the process is almost painful for the participant because they have to come to grips with the frail state of their actual bodies. 

I am happy with the way I look.  I really like it when people call me beautiful and I am finally starting to believe them.  I am learning that I just might not be able to loose anymore weight because there is simply not much left to loose.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Created perfectly in His image.  I am not junk!

My moment in His presence

I read this today during my quiet time:

"Let Me infuse My peace into your innermost being.  As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense peace growing within you. This is not something that you will accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing"  Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

I write a lot about worry. You know my life verse is Philippians 4:6-7...Do not worry about anything, but in everything pray.  And His peace, which transcends understanding will guard your hearts and your minds."  Worry is a huge problem in our country.  We worry about everything, things we can control and things we can't.  People can't seem to find peace in their lives.

I've been learning a lot about peace and patience the past several months.  I've been praying about something for several months now and the answer that I continue to get is "Be patient and quiet."  For those of you that know me, know I am neither of those things. I am a born communicator.  When I have something to say, I say it, but I have really been trying to keep my mouth shut and patiently wait on the results.

If you've been reading for a while you know that I have gotten that answer before and the results were less then stellar.  I don't know if it was me or something else that caused the less then stellar results but nevertheless when I got that answer I knew it was my turn to really do my part and here's what I have learned... 

"There are somethings that you just can't control and worrying about those things only makes you crazy."

I know that might seem basic, but its the truth.  Worrying about things you can't control doesn't help our body, soul and spirit. In fact, worry and the stress it brings hurts us physically. 

I was thinking about my testimony the other day and this was one of my thoughts...

"As I continue to be faithful, He continues to be faithful.  I can't change much about my circumstance.  I can't change my past.  I can't change the people around me but I can change my attitude and my priorities.  So as I continue to walk the path He has laid out before me, with a thankful heart, He continues to provide for me in ways that I never thought possible.  I AM more valuable then the sparrows."

Bring the little children to Him

I love watching "19 kids and counting".  You know, its the show about the Duggars.  The Arkansas couple that has 19 kids and 2 grand-kids.  The show has been on for several years and each year since the show has aired they have had to change the name because Michelle keeps popping them out.  I thought there was a possibility that next year the name was going to be 20 kids and counting but during the last episode Jim Bob mentioned that he thought their childbearing years were over. 

In an episode called "38 kids and counting", the Duggars travel cross country in their tour bus, yes all 18 kids went with them, to visit another family that has 19 kids as well.  I was struck by a conversation between Jim Bob and the other father.  They both said that they were the happiest men on the earth because of the "Blessings (children) that He had bestowed on them."  I was taken aback by their comment because there are people in this world that have 1 child and think that they are a hindrance to their life.  They don't see them as blessings, they see them as obstacles.

I have 3 kids and more times then I would rather admit I haven't thought of them as blessings.  Not to say that my kids aren't great but like all kids, some days are better then others.  Each one of my children have had their own challenges growing up, my oldest especially.

One thing I don't like about "19 kids and counting" is that though its reality TV, it seems unreal because they don't ever show their kids struggling with tough stuff.  Now I realize that as a homeschooling family with a strict belief system, they are not faced with the same challenges as most families are but sometimes its hard to relate to the Duggars and their "perfect" kids.      

All kids face challenges, I'm sure if the Duggar kids went to public school or spent more time outside the confines of their home, their beliefs and values would be most certainly challenged.  Like I said above, all of my children have faced challenges but I'd have to say that my oldest has done more struggling in his short 16 years then most people do in a lifetime.

When kids struggle I think its harder on the parents then it is on the kids, because the kids have a choice to make things better, the parents can't make them choose so all the parents can do is watch and wait.  Although sometimes the parents do have a choice, they can choose to either continue to support their children while they struggle or not.  But when you get to that point, most of the time there is only one option and its often a heart-breaking one.
 
Though my oldest has struggled for the past 10 years and especially for the last 2, I'm very proud of where he is now.  Unfortunately I was faced with the decision to support or not to support him while he struggled.  It was one of the hardest choices I had to make and my heart was tormented for almost a year while I had to keep him at arms length, but about 3 months ago I was finally able to see through my hurt and see the change that had taken place in him.

18 months ago I had all but given up on him.  During that time I was certain that he was not a blessing.  I had poured my heart and soul into him for months, years even and all I had gotten were lies and fakery. Obviously I couldn't help someone that didn't want to help themselves, plus I needed to recover from my own hurt so I made the decision to stop being involved in his life. 

6 months ago if you would have asked me if he would ever be in my life again I would have given you a firm "No".  I was so hurt by my son that I yelled at him in front of a room full of people during a meeting we were having several months ago but it was that meeting that started to melt my heart.  It was the first time in years that I saw him cry and actually feel bad about what he had been doing to himself and our family. I had been carrying all of his guilt for all these years and finally he had shown that he had been affected by our suffering.

However it wasn't until a few months later that I had a moment when I finally let go of the hurt and anger.  It was in that moment that I realized that no matter his struggles he was still a blessing and that his struggles were bringing him closer to his Heavenly Father and to our family.

Over the past several months I have been introduced to a totally different child. About 2 months ago He made a Fresh Start and then was water baptized.  He's excited about getting to serve and really connecting in with our church home. 

You can't always predict what children will do with their lives.  Whether they will get good grades or behave well or even adhere to your standards and values.  I bet even the Duggar parents pray everyday that their children will continue to follow in their footsteps and continue walking closely with their Heavenly Father, but what you can be assured of is that even wayward kids are still under the close watch of Him.  He never leaves us or forsakes us.  Even when we think we are far from His reach, He still has hold of us.  But sometimes you just have to learn the hard way and in learning the hard way, we become even closer to our Creator because eventually we see that His love is unconditional and that He never gave up on us.  He was only allowing us to find Him in our own time.

He is faithfull

We are in a series in church called "Faith" and this weekend Pastor read Mark 9:17-29.  I don't know that I have read that scripture before or at least I read it and didn't think it pertained to me, but now I see I can relate to the father in this story, in fact I think we can all relate to the father.

In a nut shell here's the story...The father brings his son to see the Son because he is possessed by a spirit.  The Son isn't there when he gets there so the Disciples give it a go and they end up in a fight with some religious leaders.  Upon hearing the commotion, the Son asks what was happening and the father says that his son needs a healing but the Disciples couldn't do it.  The father then says "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

And that's the point in the story where we can all relate.  The father says, "IF you can do anything."  He's brought the child all the way to see Him, but his unbelief makes him say "if".  This story is in stark contrast to the woman with the bleeding disorder (Luke 8:43-48), who's faith is so strong that she believes that just touching the hem of His cloak will heal her. We all have days of strong and weak faith, but I think most of us when faced with a mountain we often say, "if" when asking for it to be moved. 

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2006.  I remember getting the call from the nurse and I could tell that the nurse was crying as she read me the pathology report.  She said luckily we had caught it in the early stages but I would need to come in immediately for a biopsy.  So a few days later I went in to see my Doctor and with my mother at my side my doctor told me that the only way to get cervical cancer was to be sleeping around with several partners.  The knowledge that I wasn't sleeping around and knowing that the virus HPV causes cervical cancer kept me from kicking him in the head as he was examining me and at the end of the visit he recommended surgery in the coming weeks to remove cancer.  After the surgery the pathology report came back with news that we didn't want to hear.  The cancer was starting to spread and I would have to see a specialist.  Without being told I knew what more surgery would mean for my future, so I went to Him for help. 

I remember that Sunday vividly.  I remember where I was standing in the church and who was praying for me.  I remember crying out to Him for healing but I remember sitting down after the prayer and wondering if I had been healed.  Its not that I didn't believe He couldn't do it, it was that I wasn't sure if I was worthy or important enough to receive the miracle. 

I was a very young Christian at that point, less then a year into my journey. Not that I am any better now, but I was still really struggling with my belief in His power.  I was part of the prayer team and often prayed for others healing and never thought for a moment that they weren't healed but when it was my turn to step out in faith, I had my doubts.

"I mean, I'm not anyone special."  "I'd been away from Him for so long certainly He had forgotten about me." "My cancer was payback for my past sins." "I wasn't tithing so because I wasn't being faithful, He wouldn't even look in my direction."  Those were all the things I was thinking while I waited for the results of my second biopsy.  I couldn't convince myself that I was important or good enough to have received such a gift.

Finally the day came when I was to hear the results.  I was totally prepared.  I had almost convinced myself that another surgery wouldn't completely end any chance of an intimate relationship with my spouse.  I had processed all the possibilities of chemo or radiation and their side effects. As I sat in the waiting room full of cancer patients I tried not to break down in tears as I noticed their frail bodies and thinning hair.  I sat in that waiting room for what seemed like hours.  I was alone and scared never realizing that I could go to Him even in this moment, but finally I was called back and a few minutes later the Doctor came in.

I don't remember much about what the Doctor said except that I was totally cancer free.  After I heard that I tuned him out and stared out the window at the beautiful prayer garden that was below me.  As I stared I breathed a sign of relief and realized that I was important enough to Him for the gift of a miracle.  The scripture that came to mind at that moment was Matthew 6:26.

  "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"  

The end of Luke 8:43-48 goes something like this... the Son rebukes the father and says "Everything is possible for those that believe." The father cries out and says, "I do believe, help me with my disbelief!" The Son calls the spirit by name and the spirit left the child. 

So the moral of the story is: Even in our disbelief.  Even when we feel unworthy, we are still worthy of wholeness.

He is abundant

"On this day of your life, Abigail, we believe God wants you to know...that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive.  God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need.  Think now what can you do to make yourself ready?"

That was my randomly generated "Message from God" on Facebook this evening, I don't put much stock in them but I found it interesting so I thought I would talk about it.

We just finished a mini-series at Church called "5", five steps that will change your life.  The 5 steps were:

1. Baptism
2. Tithing
3. The Altar
4. Communion
5. Worship

The key phrase for this series was "There is something powerful in a simple step of obedience." When I think about those steps I am reminded of the scripture that says, "Die to self and take up your cross daily."  In fact Pastor mentioned that verse in his sermon last week because all but Baptism is reoccurring.  They are uncomfortable because they require self-sacrifice. They all deal with stepping out of your comfort zone, allowing others to see your faith or even worse your vulnerability.    

Being vulnerable is hard.  It requires trust and a step of faith.  Trust is hard to come by most of the time and that step of faith is one of the scariest things you might do, but its those steps that bring us closer to Him.

So I was pondering my "Message from God":

"...that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive.  God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need.  Think now what can you do to make yourself ready."

Its highly doubtful that my Creator is waiting on me for anything.  He doesn't withhold things from us, He freely gives. He continues to offer everything to me.  He's not holding anything back from me.

However I am a comfortable christian.  For those of you that know me, you might be shaking your head on this one because I walk out my faith.  I serve, I tithe, I worship unabashedly.  I pray, out loud in public where other people can hear me.  I follow the 11th commandment and really, really, really love but for me its easy to do those things.  I'm comfortable doing those things.  I don't see those things as strange or odd or out of the ordinary because I surround myself with people that do those things but when faced with the reality of completely letting go, I come to a complete stop.  

I don't know if I have an A type personality but I like things clean, tidy and orderly.  I've found that when letting go and letting Him take the lead, things are not always clean, tidy and orderly or at least they don't feel that way. 

Months ago faced with the end of my marriage, the loss of my home, the loss of my job and the apparent loss of my future, I was desperate.  Things were not at all clean, tidy and orderly during that time.  My friends rallied around me and kept my head from sinking to deep but I was at a complete stop because I knew that only He could get me through this.  I was scared to death.  I didn't want to be vulnerable.  My heart was crushed, I couldn't trust anyone.  After this much heartache, why would I allow myself to be hurt again?

So I started "wandering in the desert".  (If you'd like to read more about that journey go back into the archives to mid-February and read forward to Easter.)  For a while I despised the desert, thinking that I was being punished much the same way the Israelites were because of my lack of faith, but then I started to realize that much like the Israelites, He was taking care of me.  I was provided for at every turn.  I was clothed and fed and sheltered.  Everything I needed was supplied for me. 

He wasn't waiting on me to ask or change.  He freely gave because He loves me and takes care of me but I still was responsible to reply to His gracious gifts.  So I did and I walked out of the desert with my head held high.  It was a momentous day for many reasons but I left the desert knowing that my Heavenly Father adored me.  I was His daughter.  I was precious and loved. 

He loves you that way as well. 

 

He is there

I've heard people say these things over and over again:

"When we are on the right path that's when trouble comes." or "When your doing something significant, distraction is always nearby."

In His Word there are all sorts of mentions of trouble.  In fact the Word says that "In your life there will be trouble."  Not there might be trouble but there will be trouble.

You see the enemy is very clever.  He knows that as we are cruising through life all we need is one small distraction and we can crash.  Its the enemy's job to isolate and distract us from our relationships especially our relationship with Him and unfortunately he's really good at his job. In fact he's so full of himself that he even tries his tactics on the Son Himself in Matthew 4:1-11.

When distraction comes what can we do?  Are we powerless to overcome or are we able to imitate the Son and tell the enemy to get behind us. 

I've certainly felt powerless and once that feeling sets in you literally become powerless to overcome much of anything.  As isolation starts to creep in, you start pulling away from people and things that you love.  You start feeling unworthy so you pull away from your quiet times or your devotionals.  The distraction starts to take over your thoughts and you start to worry excessively.  You feel out of control.  Your moods keep changing.  You snap at others.  The enemy has total control now.

The enemy has me pegged.  He knows exactly what to do to get my attention, especially around this time of the year. (If you want to read more about that click here.)  I'd like to say that with each passing year I get better at ignoring him, but I don't.  I try really hard but I fail miserably each year.  He's just to good at his job.

The enemy knows that my distraction is in my relationships, because of my past I worry a lot about my future and when I worry I start focusing on the negative and not the positive and that's when he gains control.  Its really difficult for me to "Let go and let God."

A lot of us study the names of our Heavenly Father, if you don't know them they are linked below:

• El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
• El Elyon (The Most High God)
• Adonai (Lord, Master)
• Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
• Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
• Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
• Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
• Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
• Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
• Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
• El Olam (The Everlasting God)
• Elohim (God)
• Qanna (Jealous)
• Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
• Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
• Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts)

Jehovah Shammah, "The Lord is There":

"The name indicates that God has not abandoned Jerusalem, leaving it in ruins, but that there will be a restoration."

I think that's fitting.  "He has not abandoned us, He will restore us."  We can worry all we want, but "He is there."  Even when we are in deep, "He is there." Even when we are sucked into doubt, "He is there." Because "He is there" we can stand up with the truth and empower ourselves to tell the enemy to get behind us.  We will overcome because "He is there."

Follow Him, He'll show you how

Trust...it's something that I have a problem with.  Not the concept but the action.  It effects all parts of my life, my relationships especially.  I really feel for the people that am in relationship with because I always keep them at arms length.  Even the people that I do let in, I still have my eye on them.  I'm always waiting for them to hurt me in someway and unfortunately even something small can send me spinning.  I'm really great at sabotaging my own relationships, especially my relationship with Him.

I know that might not make sense, but I think we all do that with our Heavenly Father.  We can "Trust and Obey" while things are going good and as soon as something goes south we run and hide.  Of course its not always that extreme, but we all have our moments.  We are only human, right?  We're not perfect.

My lack of trust always leads me to asking for signs. 

"I'll believe that everything will be ok if you send me a sign.  Make it a big one, so I don't miss it.  Maybe have someone else notice it as well, that way I'll know for sure. Yeah, that will be great...thanks."  

Sometimes my signs are big and not easily missed.  Other times if I'm not paying close attention I miss my sign and don't realize until later that I got it, but He is always faithful and He always responds to my pleas. 

Luke 9:23-24 keeps coming up in my converstations this week, it says: 

Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

The Message says it this way:

^23-27Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God." 

This verse stands out in this scripture:

"Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."

I read it this way...The only way to overcome your past is through self-sacrifice. Deny those urges to respond to your future the way you have responded in your past and the only way to deny those urges is to look to Him for guidance.  We can't do it ourselves.  We can't go it alone.  We need help and help is always available, all we have to do is ask.  

We are only human.  He uses our past as a stepping stone to our future.  Don't allow your past to interfere with your present.  Allow Him to change you "from the inside out"

His recovery program

I'm tired.  I grow weary of constant change.  I'm jaded by people's fickleness.  I'm exhausted by struggling or failing relationships.  I'm worn out from juggling all my hats.  I'm spent, I need rest.  I need help recovering and healing from my life.

In the Message, Matthew 11:28-30 says this: 

^28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

The NIV says it this way:

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Often people quote that verse and then tell you that He will never give you more then you can handle.  When I hear people say that I just want to scream because at that specific moment the person already feels like they can't handle what they have been given, and that's not at all what this verse says.  The verse says that His burden is light, not yours.  The verse says to "Come to Him all who are heavy burdened and He will give you rest." I really like the way the Message puts it, "Get away with me and you'll recover from your life."

We'd all like to take a moment and recover from our busy lives.  We'd like to get away from our problems or troubles just for a little while.  It's one of the best feelings to feel free and unburdened.  We could "soar on the wings of eagles" if we were able to leave our burdens behind, if even for a few moments.

I know I carry my share of burdens and often I carry other people's burdens as well.  For almost two years I carried someone else's heavy burden of guilt and shame, all because it seemed that they weren't interested in carrying it themselves.  That burden along with my own relational burdens really drug me down.  I was at the end of my rope.  I couldn't see the light, but someone reminded me to look up because as I sat at the altar the light was literally in front of me, I just needed to raise my head. 

We all fall short of remembering that He is bigger then our situation.  He is the one in control not us.  We often turn back towards our past when things get ugly but that's what so great about Him.  No matter how far we stray.  No matter how far we run. No matter how impatient we become, He's always there waiting.  The promises don't change.  The love is unconditional and the grace is overwhelming. 

So the next time you're faced with reality, remember that "His burden is light." Turn your attention to your Heavenly Father and remember He is walking with you.

He never worries

Tomorrow is an interesting day in my life, its a day of celebration and a day of sadness all at the same time.  You see tomorrow is my birthday and an anniversary of a very troubling day in my life, plus this year its kinda of a day to celebrate a new chapter in my life.

Tomorrow could really go either way for me because for the past two years its been a really tough day for me, its been a day of sadness and mourning and not of celebration.  Even now as I reflect on tomorrow and its significance, I have mixed emotions.  Every year my birthday reminds me that things can be sailing along smoothly and perfectly and the next day everything can change, so because things have been going so smoothly so far I can't help but be concerned that tomorrow everything will change.

You'll think its funny when I tell you that my life verse is Philippians 4:6-7 that says:

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Message says it this way:

^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Its my reminder when I start to feel this way that I can turn my attention to my Creator and ask for peace and wholeness, but as a flawed human I often forget that the "peace that transcends all understanding" is available to me, I just have to ask.

I can't help but worry about things, but when I turn my worry into prayers He is always faithful.  "Ask and ye shall receive."  That peace is always available for you.  Its an amazing feeling when you realize that you are in His hands and that He is in control.  When you redirect your attention heavenward instead of on your problems, your entire outlook changes.  The worry melts away as the peace takes hold.

When you start to fret about tomorrow turn your attention towards your Creator.  Let Him know your concerns and worries.  Ask that He remind you that He is in control and He is holding and keeping you from harm.  Relax in the peace that is always available. 

Him the living water

¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

That verse is an excerpt from John 4:1-26 where the Son talks with a Samaritan woman at the well of Jacob.  Most of us have heard this story and can quote the above scripture, but the part that always gets me is:

¹⁵ The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” ¹⁶ He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” ¹⁷ “I have no husband,” she replied.   Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸ The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

To begin with the Jews didn't like the Samaritans.  We all know the Story of the Good Samaritan, where the Son uses the hated Samaritans to prove that all even hated people have good hearts, but in the story of the Woman at the Well the Son asked a Samaritan woman to get him some water.  Knowing of their status the Samaritan woman even says:

⁹ You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?”

The Son replies:

¹⁰ Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

and a few verses later we are back to where the Son asks the women to go and bring back her husband.

Women in the Son's day couldn't divorce, they were divorced and when their husbands left them they had nothing, they were destitute.  This poor woman was desperate to find someone to support her, so she probably married again very quickly.  Again and again and again and again, until that moment in time when she was now living with a man that she wasn't even married to but that didn't matter to the Son.  He offered her what He offers everyone else, living water.

I'm sure we have all felt like the Samaritan Woman at least one time in our life.  So desperate for something that we jump in to quickly and end up being hurt all over again.  We look to satisfy our worldly desires instead of the desires of our souls.  We go from place to place looking to fill a need when we really need to only up heavenward., but just like the Samaritan women we often feel unworthy.

She came to the well in the middle of the day to avoid the stares and the mumblings, so when a Jewish man starts to talk to her she is shocked on several levels. This poor woman had been disrespected by men so many times, I imagine when the Son spoke to her with dignity her eyes lit up. She's intrigued by His gentle nature.  She's sucked in by His kind words.  She's fascinated by His unconditional acceptance.  She all but begs for the living water He is offering her and in return He says:

²¹ “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. ²² You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. ²³ Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”  ²⁵ The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” ²⁶ Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

 The man she's been looking for all this time is seated in front of her.  The Man that can satisfy all her desires is within reach.  Her response is to go back to her people and tell them about Him.

²⁸ Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ²⁹ “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” ³⁰ They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

A few verses later it says this:

³⁹ Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” ⁴⁰ So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. ⁴¹ And because of his words many more became believers. ⁴² They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.”

Your testimony is powerful, whether your a Samaritan or a Jew we all have a story that needs to be told.  Your testimony just might be what someone needs to hear to release their faith.

He loves all people

"People are interesting." Abigail Minderman

I meet a lot of interesting people at the church I attend.  People of all kinds are attracted to my church because of many reasons but especially because, "There are people that look like me here." My new friend Lauren, whom I met over the weekend at church, said that to me when I asked her what drew her to The Life Church.  I thought that was an interesting answer and as she told me more about her interesting life I began to understand what she ment.

Churches are interesting in general.  Its not necessarily their belief system or how they worship but its the people that they attract.  There's an interesting billboard on Germantown Parkway that reads something like, "Sunday shouldn't be the most segregated day of the week." We've come such a long way since segregation, yet we haven't come very far at all.

You see my friend Lauren is part of a bi-racial couple.  She was telling me about the church that her mother attends and the church that his parents attend and neither of them for one reason or another felt comfortable in the other family's church. Its unfortunate that people would ever feel uncomfortable in church but its especially terrible if they are uncomfortable because of the color of their skin.

I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood, church and school, everyone looked like me.  I wasn't raised to dislike anyone but I really didn't have any access to anyone that didn't look like me until I was much older and even then I didn't understand what all the hype was about.  I had studied enough anatomy and physiology to know that we were the same on the inside and even now with the Human Genome Project we have discovered that 99% of all of us is exactly the same.

If 99% of each of us is the same, why do we focus on the 1% that's not?  Why are we making people feel uncomfortable about the color of their skin?

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:14, it says: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  The Almighty Creator made each and everyone of us, perfectly in His image.  Church shouldn't be a place where people feel inferior or self-conscious because the color of their skin or that they've come from another side of town or they don't have a newer car.  Churches should be accepting of all people because the Son accepted all people. 

The Son was interested in interesting people. He loved people that didn't look or talk like him.  He welcomed the poor and disabled.  He fed hungry people and offered help to the broken and if we are to call ourselves His followers then we ought too as well.

I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and engage someone who is different then you.  You might find out that they are as interesting as you are.

In Him we trust

I've written a lot about punctuation, if you need to read those posts click here. In His Glory I talked about how punctuation is often painful, but its often unexpected which makes the pain even more unbearable.  However punctuation, as painful as it is, is often necessary because without it our lives might not make sense.  He uses punctuation as a means to communicate with us that certain chapters of our lives are over or maybe even to let us know that its time for a change of scenery or pace.

If you read you know that I have experienced lots of punctuation over the last two years, some good and some bad but I've managed to keep my faith intact.  When I thought I couldn't handle anymore, His light shown through.  When I thought my walls were high enough and strong enough, He broke through.  When I thought I was lost, He showed me the way.  When I thought I was at the edge, He pulled me close.

I was reminded of my theme song yesterday and this verse came to mind:

Then in fellowship sweet 
we will sit at his feet, 
or we'll walk by his side in the way; 
what he says we will do, 
where he sends we will go; 
never fear, only trust and obey. 

When you walk out your faith in good times or in bad the punctuation in our lives starts to work to our advantage.  As painful as it is, it opens us up for our next steps and as I said in in this post, it can be used to show His glory in our lives.

As I've walked, I've learned a lot.  I've learned that periods don't necessarily mean death.  I've learned that new beginnings, even though they are scary can really be enjoyable.  I've learned that commas only mean, not now but definitely later.  I've also learned that faith replaces fear and anxiety.

I'll leave you with this verse from Ephesians 3:12-13 taken from the Message:

When we trust in Him, we're free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever we need to go. So don't let my present trouble on your behalf get you down. Be proud!

His love never fails

I am 9 days from finishing the Love Dare but I don't think I will finish it.  I started blogging through the book as a way to put my thoughts on paper, because you see I like to process my feelings and thoughts, out loud. A lot of times things don't make sense to me until I start processing though them. Whether I do it through writing or talking, as I process I start to learn about the lessons I am being taught in each situation.


As I have been writing over the past months I have discovered several things:

1. I've always known how difficult relationships can be but when people really believe that they can work they do.
2. I've noticed that dysfunctional relationships are the norm and that healthy relationships are hard to come by.
3. I've found that even though I talk a big game I know nothing about relationships.  If I did I might not have so much knowledge about them.
4. I've discovered that relationships are more then just 50/50, they're about giving your all, all the time.
5. I've learned that those that you must make each other a priority and not just an option.
6. I've realized that sometimes the best thing that you can do for your significant other is to just be present in the moment.
7. I've known that sometimes we must get outside our comfort zones to better relate to our partners, but now I see that it is a requirement.
8. I've figured out that the only way to a healthy relationship is to start with a healthy you.
9. I've wised up to the fact that just because you've witnessed dysfunction in the past, you are still worthy of functionality.
10. I've determined that your past has nothing to do with your future. 

His love unites

Day 30...Love brings unity

Today's Dare: Isolate one area of division in your marriage and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it.  Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse.  Pray that He would do the same for them and if appropriate discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

I've been stuck on this dare for 5 days now.  I've gone several different directions with my posts but I have erased all of them, none seem to really hit the heart of this dare.  Unity is so important in a relationship.  I know that we won't always agree on things but when there is division in a relationship, negativity begins to pop up and where there is negativity, a wedge starts to get driven between the two halves and when that wedge gets deep enough the two halves split and that's when things get messy.

None of us are perfect.  Grace and forgiveness need to be given to those we love.  Unconditional love that doesn't keep score, is what we need to provide for our mates.  Take a moment to ask for help in providing that kind of love for your spouse.  Look to the One that loves us unconditionally for guidance.