Put on His love

Back in September, I was 9 days away from finishing the Love Dare.  In my final post I wrote 10 things that I had learned over the study.

I have listed them below:

1. I've always known how difficult relationships can be but when people really believe that they can work they do.
2. I've noticed that dysfunctional relationships are the norm and that healthy relationships are hard to come by.
3. I've found that even though I talk a big game I know nothing about relationships.  If I did I might not have so much knowledge about them.
4. I've discovered that relationships are more then just 50/50, they're about giving your all, all the time.
5. I've learned  that you must make each other a priority and not just an option.
6. I've realized that sometimes the best thing that you can do for your significant other is to just be present in the moment.
7. I've known that sometimes we must get outside our comfort zones to better relate to our partners, but now I see that it is a requirement.
8. I've figured out that the only way to a healthy relationship is to start with a healthy you.
9. I've wised up to the fact that just because you've witnessed dysfunction in the past, you are still worthy of functionality.
10. I've determined that your past has nothing to do with your future. 

If you would have asked me this past winter if I thought I would even venture into another relationship again I would have said no but an unlikely story started to unfold in April of this year. 

I spent Valentine's Day sad and heart-broken but as March approached my whole outlook on life began to change. I started school and started attending Life again in the beginning of April.  I decided that I had enough time to mourn and I needed to start looking forward because I wasn't going anywhere while looking backwards, but I never expected to end up where I am now. 

I am  a hopeless romantic so of course I love the movie Serendipity.  The movie is about two people who meet by chance one winter's night but due to other circumstances they part ways never to meet again.  In the movie the female character writes her number down in a book with the premise that if he ever finds the book again, they were meant to be together.  Years pass, they are both engaged to marry other people and because of cold feet he starts his search for the girl again.  I won't give it away but the ending is every hopeless romantic's dream. 

I met someone by chance in 2004 and there was an instant connection.  I didn't know it at the time but there was a connection on both sides.  Everybody around us was suspicious of our status, yet we remained just friends until that fateful day in the Fall of 2007 when life took me in another direction.

There are some people that you just click with.  Friends that no matter the distance or time, when you see each other again its like you were never gone.  You can talk about or do nothing at all when you are with them and yet you still will have had one of the best nights of your life. People that care enough to help you unpack your hurts, even if its one piece at a time.  People that see you for who you are, yet accept you unconditionally. Those kind of people are kept in a special place in your heart.           

I didn't go looking for him.  I figured he was married with a bunch of kids, but when I saw him from across the parking lot I knew I had to reach out to him.  I really just wanted to apologize to him for leaving abruptly and without an explanation, but what started as a dinner to explain myself ended as the beginning of a journey into a new chapter of my life.

Those 10 points I mentioned all those months ago, I already knew but until now I hadn't had the opportunity to see if they actually meant something.  I don't want to point fingers or say who was right and who was wrong but relationships are between two people and when one or both are not putting on love for each other then the relationship is going to end in heartbreak.

Relationships are hard work.  Choices must be made everyday to choose love over anger or frustration or even hate.  Decisions about priorities are a daily battle.  Life gets in the way.  Work gets in the way.  Technology gets in the way.  Children and other people get in the way.  Its a daily battle to chose each other over the other interruptions in our lives. 

Good flourishing relationships are possible. With dysfunction all around us, it is possible to be content with one person for the rest of your life, but its a choice.

I've made a choice to finish the Love Dare, because I do know something about relationships and I was to continue to learn all I can about how to make them better. 

Made in His image

"Then He said, Let Us make man in our image, in Our likeness and let them rule...So He created man in His own image, male and female He created them." Genesis 1:26-27

I've written about my weight loss journey.  I've gotten many compliments about my dedication and sitck-to-it-ness but that's only have the story.  Yes losing 100 pounds was a major accomplishment but battling with self-image is much more difficult.

I've never thought of myself as beautiful.  I've always believed that there was a lot about me I'd like to change and as I began to gain weight, whatever thoughts of ever becoming beautiful went out the window. I remember there was a time that I avoided full length mirrors.  I wouldn't try on clothes at stores because I would have to get undressed in front of a mirror and look at myself.  I often bought clothes that were to big or baggy to help hide my body.  I got so good at hiding behind my clothes when someone finally noticed that I had lost a lot of weight and I told them how much I had lost, they couldn't believe the number because they couldn't figure out where I had kept all of it.

If you read my post about my weight loss you'll know that I wouldn't allow anyone to take pictures of me after that ill-fated Thanksgiving Day picture that was published on Facebook.  If a picture was mandatory I found ways to cover most of me and hopefully only have my head exposed. If I couldn't look at myself in the mirror there was no way that I would allow other people to see, but even now after all the weight I have lost I still struggle with my body image.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in quite a few years called me beautiful.  I thanked her for her comment but I was struck by it.  Had I always been right in my thinking about not being pretty?  She didn't know me when I was at my heaviest but in my mind there must have been quite a difference in 5 years ago and now.

This was the other verse I read during my quiet time this morning:

"And I praise You because of the wonderful ways you created me.  Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt.  With Your own eyes saw my body being formed.  Even before I was born, You had written in Your book everything I would                             do."  Psalm 139:14

David wrote that verse.  I imagine him dancing (David did a lot of dancing) around in front of a mirror admiring His work on him.  I am getting better at dancing in front of the mirror and admiring my accomplishment but changing 20 years of thinking is hard work.  I see the difference.  I feel the difference and I look different but thinking differently is totally different. 

There is even a disorder called Body Dysmorphic Disorder that is common among women and men that have eating disorders. BDD sufferers actually see themselves as fat.  When they look in the mirror they see a totally different image of what is actually there.  You can't convince them that they are bone skinny.  They believe that people are lying to them about what the scale says.  Most people with untreated BDD die because they diet themselves to death.  They are never happy with what they see in the mirror.  No amount of talk will ever convince them that they are beautiful.  They see fat and they see ugly.

Those that do get diagnosed go through intensive therapy to re-wire their brains and thought patterns. There is research that is proving that their brains have been miss-wired because of the bad thought processes that have been going on for years. Bad thought connections have to be replaced with good thoughts and the process is almost painful for the participant because they have to come to grips with the frail state of their actual bodies. 

I am happy with the way I look.  I really like it when people call me beautiful and I am finally starting to believe them.  I am learning that I just might not be able to loose anymore weight because there is simply not much left to loose.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Created perfectly in His image.  I am not junk!

My moment in His presence

I read this today during my quiet time:

"Let Me infuse My peace into your innermost being.  As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense peace growing within you. This is not something that you will accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing"  Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

I write a lot about worry. You know my life verse is Philippians 4:6-7...Do not worry about anything, but in everything pray.  And His peace, which transcends understanding will guard your hearts and your minds."  Worry is a huge problem in our country.  We worry about everything, things we can control and things we can't.  People can't seem to find peace in their lives.

I've been learning a lot about peace and patience the past several months.  I've been praying about something for several months now and the answer that I continue to get is "Be patient and quiet."  For those of you that know me, know I am neither of those things. I am a born communicator.  When I have something to say, I say it, but I have really been trying to keep my mouth shut and patiently wait on the results.

If you've been reading for a while you know that I have gotten that answer before and the results were less then stellar.  I don't know if it was me or something else that caused the less then stellar results but nevertheless when I got that answer I knew it was my turn to really do my part and here's what I have learned... 

"There are somethings that you just can't control and worrying about those things only makes you crazy."

I know that might seem basic, but its the truth.  Worrying about things you can't control doesn't help our body, soul and spirit. In fact, worry and the stress it brings hurts us physically. 

I was thinking about my testimony the other day and this was one of my thoughts...

"As I continue to be faithful, He continues to be faithful.  I can't change much about my circumstance.  I can't change my past.  I can't change the people around me but I can change my attitude and my priorities.  So as I continue to walk the path He has laid out before me, with a thankful heart, He continues to provide for me in ways that I never thought possible.  I AM more valuable then the sparrows."

Bring the little children to Him

I love watching "19 kids and counting".  You know, its the show about the Duggars.  The Arkansas couple that has 19 kids and 2 grand-kids.  The show has been on for several years and each year since the show has aired they have had to change the name because Michelle keeps popping them out.  I thought there was a possibility that next year the name was going to be 20 kids and counting but during the last episode Jim Bob mentioned that he thought their childbearing years were over. 

In an episode called "38 kids and counting", the Duggars travel cross country in their tour bus, yes all 18 kids went with them, to visit another family that has 19 kids as well.  I was struck by a conversation between Jim Bob and the other father.  They both said that they were the happiest men on the earth because of the "Blessings (children) that He had bestowed on them."  I was taken aback by their comment because there are people in this world that have 1 child and think that they are a hindrance to their life.  They don't see them as blessings, they see them as obstacles.

I have 3 kids and more times then I would rather admit I haven't thought of them as blessings.  Not to say that my kids aren't great but like all kids, some days are better then others.  Each one of my children have had their own challenges growing up, my oldest especially.

One thing I don't like about "19 kids and counting" is that though its reality TV, it seems unreal because they don't ever show their kids struggling with tough stuff.  Now I realize that as a homeschooling family with a strict belief system, they are not faced with the same challenges as most families are but sometimes its hard to relate to the Duggars and their "perfect" kids.      

All kids face challenges, I'm sure if the Duggar kids went to public school or spent more time outside the confines of their home, their beliefs and values would be most certainly challenged.  Like I said above, all of my children have faced challenges but I'd have to say that my oldest has done more struggling in his short 16 years then most people do in a lifetime.

When kids struggle I think its harder on the parents then it is on the kids, because the kids have a choice to make things better, the parents can't make them choose so all the parents can do is watch and wait.  Although sometimes the parents do have a choice, they can choose to either continue to support their children while they struggle or not.  But when you get to that point, most of the time there is only one option and its often a heart-breaking one.
 
Though my oldest has struggled for the past 10 years and especially for the last 2, I'm very proud of where he is now.  Unfortunately I was faced with the decision to support or not to support him while he struggled.  It was one of the hardest choices I had to make and my heart was tormented for almost a year while I had to keep him at arms length, but about 3 months ago I was finally able to see through my hurt and see the change that had taken place in him.

18 months ago I had all but given up on him.  During that time I was certain that he was not a blessing.  I had poured my heart and soul into him for months, years even and all I had gotten were lies and fakery. Obviously I couldn't help someone that didn't want to help themselves, plus I needed to recover from my own hurt so I made the decision to stop being involved in his life. 

6 months ago if you would have asked me if he would ever be in my life again I would have given you a firm "No".  I was so hurt by my son that I yelled at him in front of a room full of people during a meeting we were having several months ago but it was that meeting that started to melt my heart.  It was the first time in years that I saw him cry and actually feel bad about what he had been doing to himself and our family. I had been carrying all of his guilt for all these years and finally he had shown that he had been affected by our suffering.

However it wasn't until a few months later that I had a moment when I finally let go of the hurt and anger.  It was in that moment that I realized that no matter his struggles he was still a blessing and that his struggles were bringing him closer to his Heavenly Father and to our family.

Over the past several months I have been introduced to a totally different child. About 2 months ago He made a Fresh Start and then was water baptized.  He's excited about getting to serve and really connecting in with our church home. 

You can't always predict what children will do with their lives.  Whether they will get good grades or behave well or even adhere to your standards and values.  I bet even the Duggar parents pray everyday that their children will continue to follow in their footsteps and continue walking closely with their Heavenly Father, but what you can be assured of is that even wayward kids are still under the close watch of Him.  He never leaves us or forsakes us.  Even when we think we are far from His reach, He still has hold of us.  But sometimes you just have to learn the hard way and in learning the hard way, we become even closer to our Creator because eventually we see that His love is unconditional and that He never gave up on us.  He was only allowing us to find Him in our own time.

He is faithfull

We are in a series in church called "Faith" and this weekend Pastor read Mark 9:17-29.  I don't know that I have read that scripture before or at least I read it and didn't think it pertained to me, but now I see I can relate to the father in this story, in fact I think we can all relate to the father.

In a nut shell here's the story...The father brings his son to see the Son because he is possessed by a spirit.  The Son isn't there when he gets there so the Disciples give it a go and they end up in a fight with some religious leaders.  Upon hearing the commotion, the Son asks what was happening and the father says that his son needs a healing but the Disciples couldn't do it.  The father then says "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

And that's the point in the story where we can all relate.  The father says, "IF you can do anything."  He's brought the child all the way to see Him, but his unbelief makes him say "if".  This story is in stark contrast to the woman with the bleeding disorder (Luke 8:43-48), who's faith is so strong that she believes that just touching the hem of His cloak will heal her. We all have days of strong and weak faith, but I think most of us when faced with a mountain we often say, "if" when asking for it to be moved. 

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2006.  I remember getting the call from the nurse and I could tell that the nurse was crying as she read me the pathology report.  She said luckily we had caught it in the early stages but I would need to come in immediately for a biopsy.  So a few days later I went in to see my Doctor and with my mother at my side my doctor told me that the only way to get cervical cancer was to be sleeping around with several partners.  The knowledge that I wasn't sleeping around and knowing that the virus HPV causes cervical cancer kept me from kicking him in the head as he was examining me and at the end of the visit he recommended surgery in the coming weeks to remove cancer.  After the surgery the pathology report came back with news that we didn't want to hear.  The cancer was starting to spread and I would have to see a specialist.  Without being told I knew what more surgery would mean for my future, so I went to Him for help. 

I remember that Sunday vividly.  I remember where I was standing in the church and who was praying for me.  I remember crying out to Him for healing but I remember sitting down after the prayer and wondering if I had been healed.  Its not that I didn't believe He couldn't do it, it was that I wasn't sure if I was worthy or important enough to receive the miracle. 

I was a very young Christian at that point, less then a year into my journey. Not that I am any better now, but I was still really struggling with my belief in His power.  I was part of the prayer team and often prayed for others healing and never thought for a moment that they weren't healed but when it was my turn to step out in faith, I had my doubts.

"I mean, I'm not anyone special."  "I'd been away from Him for so long certainly He had forgotten about me." "My cancer was payback for my past sins." "I wasn't tithing so because I wasn't being faithful, He wouldn't even look in my direction."  Those were all the things I was thinking while I waited for the results of my second biopsy.  I couldn't convince myself that I was important or good enough to have received such a gift.

Finally the day came when I was to hear the results.  I was totally prepared.  I had almost convinced myself that another surgery wouldn't completely end any chance of an intimate relationship with my spouse.  I had processed all the possibilities of chemo or radiation and their side effects. As I sat in the waiting room full of cancer patients I tried not to break down in tears as I noticed their frail bodies and thinning hair.  I sat in that waiting room for what seemed like hours.  I was alone and scared never realizing that I could go to Him even in this moment, but finally I was called back and a few minutes later the Doctor came in.

I don't remember much about what the Doctor said except that I was totally cancer free.  After I heard that I tuned him out and stared out the window at the beautiful prayer garden that was below me.  As I stared I breathed a sign of relief and realized that I was important enough to Him for the gift of a miracle.  The scripture that came to mind at that moment was Matthew 6:26.

  "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"  

The end of Luke 8:43-48 goes something like this... the Son rebukes the father and says "Everything is possible for those that believe." The father cries out and says, "I do believe, help me with my disbelief!" The Son calls the spirit by name and the spirit left the child. 

So the moral of the story is: Even in our disbelief.  Even when we feel unworthy, we are still worthy of wholeness.

He is abundant

"On this day of your life, Abigail, we believe God wants you to know...that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive.  God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need.  Think now what can you do to make yourself ready?"

That was my randomly generated "Message from God" on Facebook this evening, I don't put much stock in them but I found it interesting so I thought I would talk about it.

We just finished a mini-series at Church called "5", five steps that will change your life.  The 5 steps were:

1. Baptism
2. Tithing
3. The Altar
4. Communion
5. Worship

The key phrase for this series was "There is something powerful in a simple step of obedience." When I think about those steps I am reminded of the scripture that says, "Die to self and take up your cross daily."  In fact Pastor mentioned that verse in his sermon last week because all but Baptism is reoccurring.  They are uncomfortable because they require self-sacrifice. They all deal with stepping out of your comfort zone, allowing others to see your faith or even worse your vulnerability.    

Being vulnerable is hard.  It requires trust and a step of faith.  Trust is hard to come by most of the time and that step of faith is one of the scariest things you might do, but its those steps that bring us closer to Him.

So I was pondering my "Message from God":

"...that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive.  God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need.  Think now what can you do to make yourself ready."

Its highly doubtful that my Creator is waiting on me for anything.  He doesn't withhold things from us, He freely gives. He continues to offer everything to me.  He's not holding anything back from me.

However I am a comfortable christian.  For those of you that know me, you might be shaking your head on this one because I walk out my faith.  I serve, I tithe, I worship unabashedly.  I pray, out loud in public where other people can hear me.  I follow the 11th commandment and really, really, really love but for me its easy to do those things.  I'm comfortable doing those things.  I don't see those things as strange or odd or out of the ordinary because I surround myself with people that do those things but when faced with the reality of completely letting go, I come to a complete stop.  

I don't know if I have an A type personality but I like things clean, tidy and orderly.  I've found that when letting go and letting Him take the lead, things are not always clean, tidy and orderly or at least they don't feel that way. 

Months ago faced with the end of my marriage, the loss of my home, the loss of my job and the apparent loss of my future, I was desperate.  Things were not at all clean, tidy and orderly during that time.  My friends rallied around me and kept my head from sinking to deep but I was at a complete stop because I knew that only He could get me through this.  I was scared to death.  I didn't want to be vulnerable.  My heart was crushed, I couldn't trust anyone.  After this much heartache, why would I allow myself to be hurt again?

So I started "wandering in the desert".  (If you'd like to read more about that journey go back into the archives to mid-February and read forward to Easter.)  For a while I despised the desert, thinking that I was being punished much the same way the Israelites were because of my lack of faith, but then I started to realize that much like the Israelites, He was taking care of me.  I was provided for at every turn.  I was clothed and fed and sheltered.  Everything I needed was supplied for me. 

He wasn't waiting on me to ask or change.  He freely gave because He loves me and takes care of me but I still was responsible to reply to His gracious gifts.  So I did and I walked out of the desert with my head held high.  It was a momentous day for many reasons but I left the desert knowing that my Heavenly Father adored me.  I was His daughter.  I was precious and loved. 

He loves you that way as well. 

 

He is there

I've heard people say these things over and over again:

"When we are on the right path that's when trouble comes." or "When your doing something significant, distraction is always nearby."

In His Word there are all sorts of mentions of trouble.  In fact the Word says that "In your life there will be trouble."  Not there might be trouble but there will be trouble.

You see the enemy is very clever.  He knows that as we are cruising through life all we need is one small distraction and we can crash.  Its the enemy's job to isolate and distract us from our relationships especially our relationship with Him and unfortunately he's really good at his job. In fact he's so full of himself that he even tries his tactics on the Son Himself in Matthew 4:1-11.

When distraction comes what can we do?  Are we powerless to overcome or are we able to imitate the Son and tell the enemy to get behind us. 

I've certainly felt powerless and once that feeling sets in you literally become powerless to overcome much of anything.  As isolation starts to creep in, you start pulling away from people and things that you love.  You start feeling unworthy so you pull away from your quiet times or your devotionals.  The distraction starts to take over your thoughts and you start to worry excessively.  You feel out of control.  Your moods keep changing.  You snap at others.  The enemy has total control now.

The enemy has me pegged.  He knows exactly what to do to get my attention, especially around this time of the year. (If you want to read more about that click here.)  I'd like to say that with each passing year I get better at ignoring him, but I don't.  I try really hard but I fail miserably each year.  He's just to good at his job.

The enemy knows that my distraction is in my relationships, because of my past I worry a lot about my future and when I worry I start focusing on the negative and not the positive and that's when he gains control.  Its really difficult for me to "Let go and let God."

A lot of us study the names of our Heavenly Father, if you don't know them they are linked below:

• El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
• El Elyon (The Most High God)
• Adonai (Lord, Master)
• Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
• Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
• Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
• Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
• Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
• Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
• Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
• El Olam (The Everlasting God)
• Elohim (God)
• Qanna (Jealous)
• Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
• Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
• Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts)

Jehovah Shammah, "The Lord is There":

"The name indicates that God has not abandoned Jerusalem, leaving it in ruins, but that there will be a restoration."

I think that's fitting.  "He has not abandoned us, He will restore us."  We can worry all we want, but "He is there."  Even when we are in deep, "He is there." Even when we are sucked into doubt, "He is there." Because "He is there" we can stand up with the truth and empower ourselves to tell the enemy to get behind us.  We will overcome because "He is there."

Follow Him, He'll show you how

Trust...it's something that I have a problem with.  Not the concept but the action.  It effects all parts of my life, my relationships especially.  I really feel for the people that am in relationship with because I always keep them at arms length.  Even the people that I do let in, I still have my eye on them.  I'm always waiting for them to hurt me in someway and unfortunately even something small can send me spinning.  I'm really great at sabotaging my own relationships, especially my relationship with Him.

I know that might not make sense, but I think we all do that with our Heavenly Father.  We can "Trust and Obey" while things are going good and as soon as something goes south we run and hide.  Of course its not always that extreme, but we all have our moments.  We are only human, right?  We're not perfect.

My lack of trust always leads me to asking for signs. 

"I'll believe that everything will be ok if you send me a sign.  Make it a big one, so I don't miss it.  Maybe have someone else notice it as well, that way I'll know for sure. Yeah, that will be great...thanks."  

Sometimes my signs are big and not easily missed.  Other times if I'm not paying close attention I miss my sign and don't realize until later that I got it, but He is always faithful and He always responds to my pleas. 

Luke 9:23-24 keeps coming up in my converstations this week, it says: 

Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

The Message says it this way:

^23-27Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God." 

This verse stands out in this scripture:

"Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."

I read it this way...The only way to overcome your past is through self-sacrifice. Deny those urges to respond to your future the way you have responded in your past and the only way to deny those urges is to look to Him for guidance.  We can't do it ourselves.  We can't go it alone.  We need help and help is always available, all we have to do is ask.  

We are only human.  He uses our past as a stepping stone to our future.  Don't allow your past to interfere with your present.  Allow Him to change you "from the inside out"

His recovery program

I'm tired.  I grow weary of constant change.  I'm jaded by people's fickleness.  I'm exhausted by struggling or failing relationships.  I'm worn out from juggling all my hats.  I'm spent, I need rest.  I need help recovering and healing from my life.

In the Message, Matthew 11:28-30 says this: 

^28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

The NIV says it this way:

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Often people quote that verse and then tell you that He will never give you more then you can handle.  When I hear people say that I just want to scream because at that specific moment the person already feels like they can't handle what they have been given, and that's not at all what this verse says.  The verse says that His burden is light, not yours.  The verse says to "Come to Him all who are heavy burdened and He will give you rest." I really like the way the Message puts it, "Get away with me and you'll recover from your life."

We'd all like to take a moment and recover from our busy lives.  We'd like to get away from our problems or troubles just for a little while.  It's one of the best feelings to feel free and unburdened.  We could "soar on the wings of eagles" if we were able to leave our burdens behind, if even for a few moments.

I know I carry my share of burdens and often I carry other people's burdens as well.  For almost two years I carried someone else's heavy burden of guilt and shame, all because it seemed that they weren't interested in carrying it themselves.  That burden along with my own relational burdens really drug me down.  I was at the end of my rope.  I couldn't see the light, but someone reminded me to look up because as I sat at the altar the light was literally in front of me, I just needed to raise my head. 

We all fall short of remembering that He is bigger then our situation.  He is the one in control not us.  We often turn back towards our past when things get ugly but that's what so great about Him.  No matter how far we stray.  No matter how far we run. No matter how impatient we become, He's always there waiting.  The promises don't change.  The love is unconditional and the grace is overwhelming. 

So the next time you're faced with reality, remember that "His burden is light." Turn your attention to your Heavenly Father and remember He is walking with you.

He never worries

Tomorrow is an interesting day in my life, its a day of celebration and a day of sadness all at the same time.  You see tomorrow is my birthday and an anniversary of a very troubling day in my life, plus this year its kinda of a day to celebrate a new chapter in my life.

Tomorrow could really go either way for me because for the past two years its been a really tough day for me, its been a day of sadness and mourning and not of celebration.  Even now as I reflect on tomorrow and its significance, I have mixed emotions.  Every year my birthday reminds me that things can be sailing along smoothly and perfectly and the next day everything can change, so because things have been going so smoothly so far I can't help but be concerned that tomorrow everything will change.

You'll think its funny when I tell you that my life verse is Philippians 4:6-7 that says:

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Message says it this way:

^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Its my reminder when I start to feel this way that I can turn my attention to my Creator and ask for peace and wholeness, but as a flawed human I often forget that the "peace that transcends all understanding" is available to me, I just have to ask.

I can't help but worry about things, but when I turn my worry into prayers He is always faithful.  "Ask and ye shall receive."  That peace is always available for you.  Its an amazing feeling when you realize that you are in His hands and that He is in control.  When you redirect your attention heavenward instead of on your problems, your entire outlook changes.  The worry melts away as the peace takes hold.

When you start to fret about tomorrow turn your attention towards your Creator.  Let Him know your concerns and worries.  Ask that He remind you that He is in control and He is holding and keeping you from harm.  Relax in the peace that is always available. 

Him the living water

¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

That verse is an excerpt from John 4:1-26 where the Son talks with a Samaritan woman at the well of Jacob.  Most of us have heard this story and can quote the above scripture, but the part that always gets me is:

¹⁵ The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” ¹⁶ He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” ¹⁷ “I have no husband,” she replied.   Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸ The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

To begin with the Jews didn't like the Samaritans.  We all know the Story of the Good Samaritan, where the Son uses the hated Samaritans to prove that all even hated people have good hearts, but in the story of the Woman at the Well the Son asked a Samaritan woman to get him some water.  Knowing of their status the Samaritan woman even says:

⁹ You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?”

The Son replies:

¹⁰ Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

and a few verses later we are back to where the Son asks the women to go and bring back her husband.

Women in the Son's day couldn't divorce, they were divorced and when their husbands left them they had nothing, they were destitute.  This poor woman was desperate to find someone to support her, so she probably married again very quickly.  Again and again and again and again, until that moment in time when she was now living with a man that she wasn't even married to but that didn't matter to the Son.  He offered her what He offers everyone else, living water.

I'm sure we have all felt like the Samaritan Woman at least one time in our life.  So desperate for something that we jump in to quickly and end up being hurt all over again.  We look to satisfy our worldly desires instead of the desires of our souls.  We go from place to place looking to fill a need when we really need to only up heavenward., but just like the Samaritan women we often feel unworthy.

She came to the well in the middle of the day to avoid the stares and the mumblings, so when a Jewish man starts to talk to her she is shocked on several levels. This poor woman had been disrespected by men so many times, I imagine when the Son spoke to her with dignity her eyes lit up. She's intrigued by His gentle nature.  She's sucked in by His kind words.  She's fascinated by His unconditional acceptance.  She all but begs for the living water He is offering her and in return He says:

²¹ “Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. ²² You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. ²³ Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”  ²⁵ The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” ²⁶ Then Jesus declared, “I, the one speaking to you—I am he.”

 The man she's been looking for all this time is seated in front of her.  The Man that can satisfy all her desires is within reach.  Her response is to go back to her people and tell them about Him.

²⁸ Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ²⁹ “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” ³⁰ They came out of the town and made their way toward him.

A few verses later it says this:

³⁹ Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” ⁴⁰ So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. ⁴¹ And because of his words many more became believers. ⁴² They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.”

Your testimony is powerful, whether your a Samaritan or a Jew we all have a story that needs to be told.  Your testimony just might be what someone needs to hear to release their faith.

He loves all people

"People are interesting." Abigail Minderman

I meet a lot of interesting people at the church I attend.  People of all kinds are attracted to my church because of many reasons but especially because, "There are people that look like me here." My new friend Lauren, whom I met over the weekend at church, said that to me when I asked her what drew her to The Life Church.  I thought that was an interesting answer and as she told me more about her interesting life I began to understand what she ment.

Churches are interesting in general.  Its not necessarily their belief system or how they worship but its the people that they attract.  There's an interesting billboard on Germantown Parkway that reads something like, "Sunday shouldn't be the most segregated day of the week." We've come such a long way since segregation, yet we haven't come very far at all.

You see my friend Lauren is part of a bi-racial couple.  She was telling me about the church that her mother attends and the church that his parents attend and neither of them for one reason or another felt comfortable in the other family's church. Its unfortunate that people would ever feel uncomfortable in church but its especially terrible if they are uncomfortable because of the color of their skin.

I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood, church and school, everyone looked like me.  I wasn't raised to dislike anyone but I really didn't have any access to anyone that didn't look like me until I was much older and even then I didn't understand what all the hype was about.  I had studied enough anatomy and physiology to know that we were the same on the inside and even now with the Human Genome Project we have discovered that 99% of all of us is exactly the same.

If 99% of each of us is the same, why do we focus on the 1% that's not?  Why are we making people feel uncomfortable about the color of their skin?

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 139:14, it says: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  The Almighty Creator made each and everyone of us, perfectly in His image.  Church shouldn't be a place where people feel inferior or self-conscious because the color of their skin or that they've come from another side of town or they don't have a newer car.  Churches should be accepting of all people because the Son accepted all people. 

The Son was interested in interesting people. He loved people that didn't look or talk like him.  He welcomed the poor and disabled.  He fed hungry people and offered help to the broken and if we are to call ourselves His followers then we ought too as well.

I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and engage someone who is different then you.  You might find out that they are as interesting as you are.

In Him we trust

I've written a lot about punctuation, if you need to read those posts click here. In His Glory I talked about how punctuation is often painful, but its often unexpected which makes the pain even more unbearable.  However punctuation, as painful as it is, is often necessary because without it our lives might not make sense.  He uses punctuation as a means to communicate with us that certain chapters of our lives are over or maybe even to let us know that its time for a change of scenery or pace.

If you read you know that I have experienced lots of punctuation over the last two years, some good and some bad but I've managed to keep my faith intact.  When I thought I couldn't handle anymore, His light shown through.  When I thought my walls were high enough and strong enough, He broke through.  When I thought I was lost, He showed me the way.  When I thought I was at the edge, He pulled me close.

I was reminded of my theme song yesterday and this verse came to mind:

Then in fellowship sweet 
we will sit at his feet, 
or we'll walk by his side in the way; 
what he says we will do, 
where he sends we will go; 
never fear, only trust and obey. 

When you walk out your faith in good times or in bad the punctuation in our lives starts to work to our advantage.  As painful as it is, it opens us up for our next steps and as I said in in this post, it can be used to show His glory in our lives.

As I've walked, I've learned a lot.  I've learned that periods don't necessarily mean death.  I've learned that new beginnings, even though they are scary can really be enjoyable.  I've learned that commas only mean, not now but definitely later.  I've also learned that faith replaces fear and anxiety.

I'll leave you with this verse from Ephesians 3:12-13 taken from the Message:

When we trust in Him, we're free to say whatever needs to be said, bold to go wherever we need to go. So don't let my present trouble on your behalf get you down. Be proud!

His love never fails

I am 9 days from finishing the Love Dare but I don't think I will finish it.  I started blogging through the book as a way to put my thoughts on paper, because you see I like to process my feelings and thoughts, out loud. A lot of times things don't make sense to me until I start processing though them. Whether I do it through writing or talking, as I process I start to learn about the lessons I am being taught in each situation.


As I have been writing over the past months I have discovered several things:

1. I've always known how difficult relationships can be but when people really believe that they can work they do.
2. I've noticed that dysfunctional relationships are the norm and that healthy relationships are hard to come by.
3. I've found that even though I talk a big game I know nothing about relationships.  If I did I might not have so much knowledge about them.
4. I've discovered that relationships are more then just 50/50, they're about giving your all, all the time.
5. I've learned that those that you must make each other a priority and not just an option.
6. I've realized that sometimes the best thing that you can do for your significant other is to just be present in the moment.
7. I've known that sometimes we must get outside our comfort zones to better relate to our partners, but now I see that it is a requirement.
8. I've figured out that the only way to a healthy relationship is to start with a healthy you.
9. I've wised up to the fact that just because you've witnessed dysfunction in the past, you are still worthy of functionality.
10. I've determined that your past has nothing to do with your future. 

His love unites

Day 30...Love brings unity

Today's Dare: Isolate one area of division in your marriage and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it.  Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse.  Pray that He would do the same for them and if appropriate discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

I've been stuck on this dare for 5 days now.  I've gone several different directions with my posts but I have erased all of them, none seem to really hit the heart of this dare.  Unity is so important in a relationship.  I know that we won't always agree on things but when there is division in a relationship, negativity begins to pop up and where there is negativity, a wedge starts to get driven between the two halves and when that wedge gets deep enough the two halves split and that's when things get messy.

None of us are perfect.  Grace and forgiveness need to be given to those we love.  Unconditional love that doesn't keep score, is what we need to provide for our mates.  Take a moment to ask for help in providing that kind of love for your spouse.  Look to the One that loves us unconditionally for guidance.

His love is motivating

Day 29...Love's Motivation

Today's Dare: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you," then express love to them in some tangible way.  Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person - unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.  

The motivation to love is different for everybody.  We all have this natural instinct to love and be loved, but to love unconditionally for life doesn't come that easy.  Some animals mate for life and long ago we as humans used to as well, but now that divorce is so easy and not as taboo as before and also now because our world is focused on instant gratification, its harder and harder to find couples that have mated for life.

Its much easier to look for someone else to satisfy our needs when things get tough or start to head in a direction that we were not expecting.   Its easy to believe that our lives would be better if we didn't have to deal with our spouse's nagging or complaining.  We can get sucked into that old saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."  Its hard to see when you're in the middle of something tough that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and its not an oncoming train.

I wrote an entire series of posts about Jonah last year and I think the part that stuck with me the most is the moment that Jonah gets spit back onto the land after being in the whale for 3 days.  At that moment he had a choice.  He could have turned and run a second time or he could start walking towards Nineveh. You see Nineveh is still quite a ways off in the distance.  Jonah can't see Nineveh from where he is but he starts walking anyway. Jonah knows that He will guide his steps.  Relationships and especially marriage are like that, we often can't see our destination but when He is our guide we know that the way will be shown to us, so we keep walking.

Even when troubles come, we keep walking.  When the storms are raging, we keep walking.  When we can't imagine spending one more moment with our spouse, we keep walking hand in hand.  Step by step. Inch by inch.  Year by year.  Moment by moment, we keep walking because when He is in the middle He will show us the way.

He sacrificed for love

Day 28...Love makes sacrifices

Today's Dare: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now?  Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?  Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can meet the need. 

 When we first meet, we fall all over ourselves to make time for our girlfriend/boyfriend.  Its human nature to want to make them feel cared and loved.  We do that by showing that we are able to provide and take care of them and their needs.  As we make them a priority they feel loved and cherished. 

We decide what is top on our priority list.  We decided where we put our time.  We determine what is important in our life and what is not.  Life pulls us in many directions.  We choose to look or not to look for reasons to help our spouse.  We choose to make or not to make time for their needs. We choose to make them top or bottom on our priority list.

There is no doubt that you know what your spouse's needs are but if you are not sure look at where their priorities are and if you still need help, ask them.  A conversation about each of your needs goes a long way in healing the hurt that you have unintentionally done 

Relationships are about sacrifice, make yours intentional.

His love is encouraging

Day 27...Love encourages

Today's Dare:  Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand and assure them of your unconditional love.

Unrealistic expectations are everywhere.  We put them on ourselves and others and most of the time we fail to meet them.  When we fail to meet those expectations resentment bubbles up and that's when the trouble comes.  Of course when we place those expectations on other people we think that they are totally reasonable, otherwise we hopefully wouldn't have given them.  In my case I have high expectations for my significant other because I hold them in high regards.  I see them as able to do anything.  Just like Superman they are able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and rescue me when I fall but as we know our mates aren't Superman they are mere humans that can't always perform on such a high level. 

We need to be able to extend them grace, compassion and patience when they fail to meet those expectations and just like yesterday, we need to ask forgiveness when our expectations exceed their capabilities.  Let your spouse know that your love for them doesn't depend on their performance.         

His love responds

Day 26...Love is responsible

Today's dare: Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing.  Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.  Do it sincerely and truthfully.  Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well.  No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love.  Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel. 

"Love doesn't make excuses.  Love keeps working to make a difference - in you and in your marriage. Love is responsible and is willing to admit and correct its faults and errors up front.  Are you taking responsibility for this person you chose for yourself as the love of your life?"

Ouch, earlier we talked about granting forgiveness now we are talking about asking for forgiveness and because we know how difficult it was to grant it, we are now really worried about asking for it because of the reaction we might get.  Plus, we can't imagine that we do anything that is worth asking for forgiveness for anyway, so the soul searching might be more then we can handle, so let's take this one step at a time.

Its very difficult to admit we've done something wrong.  Unless you are just a terrible person, no one makes plans to hurt someone they love but we all do it.  Unknowingly or not, we all hurt the people that we love. Sometimes we can see when we hurt our loved ones but other times we don't and its the times that we don't know we've hurt them that need the most forgiveness.

So its important that we ask our other half if there have been times that we have hurt them, for two reasons.  One for a learning experience, and two to be able to ask for forgiveness.  I always tell people that I can't atone for sins that I am not aware of, so ask, remain calm when they react, ask for forgiveness and whether they grant it or not thank them for their time.

Say a prayer.  Find the right time.  Take a deep breath and ask.  It might not end up as scarey as you might think.  It might even open up a needed dialogue. 

He forgives

Day 25...Love Forgives

Today's Dare: Whatever you haven't forgiven of your mate forgive it today.  Let it go.  Just as we ask Jesus to "Forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask him to help us "Forgive our debtors" each day as well.  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.  Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."

This might be the hardest dare so far because forgiveness is something that we don't do naturally.  We are more likely to hold a grudge then forgive someone who has hurt us or done us wrong.  We tend to keep score in our relationships. We might say we forgive them, but we still are harboring some bad feelings about the incident.

We all are aware of how forgiveness is actually supposed to work, especially those of us that believe in Him.  We know that forgiveness is just a prayer away and when we are forgiven, we are completely forgiven.  No grudge.  No questions.  No judgement.  No tick mark in our column.  Its gone and done.  As far as the east is from the west. 

Mathew 18 talks about forgiveness. In the passage one of the Apostles asks, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"  The answer was, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven." Now I'm no Theologian but what I get from that passage is that its so difficult to forgive and forget that we must do it over and over again until we get it right.  We need to grant our spouse, our friends, our family, our children, our co-workers complete forgiveness and if that means we have to do it over and over again, that that's what we need to do.

Plus if we harbor unforgiveness, then we can't expect to be forgiven as well. So, forgive and forgive well.  Its another important choice that we make in relationships.  Choosing to love means choosing forgiveness.

His love is always fulfilling

Day 24...Love vs. Lust

Today's Dare: End it now.  Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.  Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it.  Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom.  It must be killed and destroyed - Today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with his perfect love.

Lust...even the best of us do it.  We might lust over someone or something.  We might think that "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence."  We might look for pleasure in other places or other people.  We might be after that's sports car or the next big thing and when we get what we have been lusting over we find that we are not any happier then we were before and we look for the next thing that catches our eye.

Lust destroys relationships. Lust destroys careers. Lust destroys families.  Lust destroys people.  Lust makes us fat and lazy.  Lust makes our eyes wander.  Lust makes us think that someone else has it better then we do. Lust makes us non-contented.

I suffered with lust over food for a long time.  I found that it made me happy when I was sad.  It gave me lots of pleasure, but when I was done I went right back to feeling bad again, so I went looking for my next fix.  But when I started to realize that I could get that same kind of pleasure from His love, I started turning my attention to Him during a craving or sad moment. I started drawing my strength from above rather then from my refrigerator.  I'm still not completely over my food habit but I find that I don't look at it as lustfully as I used to.  I don't turn to it during times of crisis.  I turn my eyes heavenward when things get tough and I find that I get answers to life's dilemmas instead of empty plates and empty promises.

If there is an issue of lust in your life, turn your eyes heavenward and fill up on His love instead of looking towards someone or something to fill that void in you life.  I promise that the more you look up the less you will find yourself tripping over emptiness.

His love always protects

Day 23 - Love always protects

Today's Dare: Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse. 

This dare speaks to me because I know what it feels like to have your needed affection given to an addiction/influence.  It hurts, I know, when you are not the priority that you should be.  Its miserable to be in the same room, even seated next to someone and because of an outside influence you feel lonely and neglected.  I know, your saying "You can't be the center of attention all of the time." That's not what I am saying at all.  What I am saying is that sometimes things like the TV, the computer, your cell phone, your IPad, etc, become barriers to intimacy and when they start to interrupt your relationship and begin to take precedence then there is a problem. 

I know people don't think TV or Facebook or Twitter would be considered addictions, but if you can't pull yourself away for a few hours and unplug from the world then maybe you might rethink what an addiction actually is.  When you start choosing whatever that thing is over your spouse or significant other then there is a problem.  When you spend more time with whatever it is then your spouse or significant other there especially is a problem. 

I realize that I might be different then some women because my love language is quality time, but I think I speak for all women when I say, "Intimacy doesn't always have to be physical." But just as a mention to all my male readers, "Emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy."

Choose today to reorder your priorities, remembering that inanimate objects shouldn't come before your spouse.

His love is faithful

Day 22...Love is faithful

Today's dare: Love is a choice, not a feeling.  It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction.  Choose today to be committed to you love even if your spouse has lost of of their interest in receiving it.  Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

OK, that message is for people in committed relationships only, but for those of you are are dating, let me give you a piece of advice...Loving someone that doesn't love you back doesn't turn out well. 

I know you have strong feelings for him.  I know you think about him day and night, but you can't make him love you.  You can't make him have the same feelings you do.  Don't settle, if you are not a priority of his then maybe its time to cut ties. I know that's harsh and hard to hear but the person that you marry needs to make you one of his top priorities.  He needs to be as much in love with you as you are to him. He needs to put as much if not more effort into the relationship than you do.  You need to feel honored and cherished.  He needs to be leading the relationship, not you dragging him along behind.     

Let me repeat myself...Don't settle.  Don't feel pressured to get married or to do anything that you might regret later.  Don't let your feelings for him cloud your judgement.  Believe me I know how easy it is to give into that need and I know you think in the back of your mind that if you give in he will eventually love you, but that's not how it works.  I don't want to hate on the male race, but their minds don't work the same as ours.  Just because you give into temptation does not mean that his feelings for you are going to change. 

Remember the first line of the dare, "Love is a choice not a feeling."  I know you have butterflies when you think of him.  I know you get goosebumps when you say his name, but that will eventually fade and if you've settled for someone that doesn't make you a priority, if you've settled for someone that doesn't honor and cherish you, if you've settled for someone that only puts in minimal effort you won't have much to go on for the rest of your life.

You need to be with someone that makes regular deposits into your love bank, whether that's with words or gifts or time or touch or actions.  Never settle for anything less then exactly what you need.

Love is satisified in Him

Day 21...Love is satisfied in Him

Today's dare: Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your bible.  Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day, or read a chapter in the Gospels.  As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises He has for you.  This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

Day 20's dare might have been a big day for you.  Maybe you've never invited Him into your life or maybe you had drifted away and now your back on track whatever the reason Day 21 is about walking out your new decision.

Its interesting that I come to this day on this specific weekend because we just started a new series on Love at my Church and in the sermon the Pastor said that the only way to be fulfilled or complete is through Him.  Relationships are great, people are great, your husband or wife is great, but they don't complete you, they don't make you whole, He does.

I know, I know say what you want but in relationships two broken people don't make a whole person.  I know that we've all said to the one we love, "You complete me", "You fill that void in my heart", "Without you I'm nothing" but we learn quickly that Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful isn't able to meet all of our needs all of the time and that void starts to become empty again.  When we base our happiness on others and that other person doesn't live up to their "end of the bargain" our world falls apart.  We don't know what to do with ourselves when they are away.  We wander like lost puppies looking for something to fill that void because they are our life support, but when that void is filled properly our life support flows from heaven and its always available.

So take that step to becoming whole.  Small steps are only what is needed.  Small steps lead to huge victories.

With Him love is possible

Day 19...Love is impossible

Today's dare: Look back over the dares from the previous days.  Were there some that seemed impossible to you?  Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination. 

Sometimes loving someone can seem impossible, especially after your together for a while. The more time you spend with someone the more you start to notice things that you don't like about them.  In the beginning they are Mr. "Perfect" but later they become Mr. "No so perfect".  Ms." I'm your biggest fan" becomes Ms. "You didn't put the toilet seat down again".

I read this quote today:  "No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE."  I think it says it all, though I think falling in love is just as much a choice as it is a chance, but relationships are hard work.

I think we forget that we married mere mortals, who are flawed and sinful, but more often we forget that we are mere mortals as well.  We can't do this on our own.  We need help making that choice to love our partners.  We need guidance with our words and our actions.  We need healing from hurts both past and present.  We need patience.  Help forgiving and work with extending mercy and grace.  We need supernatural intervention.

I know I'm probably the last person you should listen to when it comes to relationship advice, but I do know a little something about where that supernatural help can come from.  Just today I called on that help, because believe me without it I wouldn't have been able to write my last post on words with a straight face.  I call upon that power each time I start writing these posts because without it my words would be harsh and resentful. I call upon that supernatural intervention each day as I climb out of bed and put my feet on the ground.  That supernatural power guides me as I interact each day with people I am in relationship with and that supernatural power is who inspired me to write this blog in the first place.

That supernatural power that I am talking about is Him.  He who looks down on us lovingly, willing to forgive all of our sins when we ask.  With His help we can love more deeply because He loved us first.  We can forgive our partner because He forgives and we with His help we can love even when it seems impossible because with Him everything is possible. 

Do you have Him in your life? If you don't click here and say the simple prayer and forever be changed. 

His words are wise

I was thinking about words today.  I was struck by something someone said to me and was reminded of several verses about words and their amazing abilities.

Proverbs 12:18 is one of my favorite verses about words, it says in the NIV:

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
   but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

But if you know me, you know I appreciate how the Message says it:

Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise.

We all know words are powerful.  The right word at the right time will bring a smile to you face, whereas a harsh word will bring sadness.  However I think sometimes the way something is said is just as important as the words that we are saying. In relationships sometimes tough things have to be said so the delivery of those words that makes the hardness softer.

We have the power to bring healing to our spouse with our words and our actions.  We know our spouse well enough to know what words wound or heal, at any moment we have the choice to use those words to do just that.

Speaking as a women, we tend to be more sensitive to the words our partner uses.  We are usually the communicator in the relationship, we value words especially the words from our non-verbal partners.  So when our mates use words to hurt us, its like being stabbed in the heart.  Those words cut and wound us deeply.

I know that during this Love Dare blog-a-thon I've been talking a lot about choices.  We make thousands of choices each day.  We choose to get out of bed in the morning.  We choose what to eat for breakfast.  We choose what shoes to wear to work, but we also have the choice to enrich our mates life with our love.

We choose to kiss them goodbye and tell them that we love them before we head to work.  We choose whether or not to make them a priority and get home for dinner on time.  We choose to greet them when we get home.  We choose to listen to them download their day.  We choose to love them.

You choose to fall in love with them long ago.  Continue to make that choice everyday.

His love seeks to understand

Day 18...Love seeks understanding

Today's dare: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.  The dinner can be as nice as you prefer.  Focus this time on getting to know you spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about.  Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

I normally don't quote the book but I like what it had to say about studying your spouse.

"Consider the follow perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a "college degree," a "master's degree," and ultimately a "doctorate degree."  Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to your mate."

 How well do you actually know your mate?  Do you know their greatest hopes and dreams? Do you know and understand how they prefer to give and receive love?  Do you know what your spouse's greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

When you were courting you studied your partner, you learned what made them tick.  You were interested in what they liked, what they felt and what they needed, but as your relationship grew your interest in studying him or her started to be replaced by other interests and as we stop learning about each other we start to pick apart each other. We begin to not understand our partner the way we used to so we allow their annoying habits to get to us.

"Some of the problems you have in relating to your spouse are simply because you don't understand them.  They probably react very differently to certain situations that you do and you can't figure out why."

Relationships are all about differences, you wouldn't want to be involved with someone just like you so it becomes a problem when those differences start to get on the others nerves.  It's worth studying your partner and finding out why they are the way they are.  Find out what's behind those "annoying habits".    

The best way to rekindle intimacy is to listen.  If you need some help with that re-read this post.  Focus on each other for a while.  Listen, don't judge. Give each other space to connect on a deeper level.  Remember it all comes down to a choice.

His love is unconditional...Part 2

I wrote this post several days ago about unconditional love. Since then I've really been thinking a lot about unconditional love and what it actually means to love someone unconditionally.

We are commanded to love people unconditionally, 1 Peter 4:8 NIV says:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

The Message says it this way:

Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.

I love that version and I think we can all learn something from that in our relationships.  "Love like your life depends on it." That's a great way to think about love between two people in a committed relationship.  When you love like your life depends on it, you give your partner room to make mistakes without worry of negative reciprocation, because like the verse goes on to say, "Love covers a multitude of sins."

If we all lived by this verse there would be far fewer divorces in our country.  It wouldn't be so easy to use the dreaded "D" word during disagreements or after a fight, because our love for our partner is life giving and not life draining.

Remember it all comes down to choices.  We can choose to love or we can choose not to.  We can choose to argue or we can choose to give grace and bow out of a no win situation.  We can choose to give love or we can choose to withhold love.  We choose to honor or dishonor our spouse with our words and actions.  We can choose to love unconditionally or love with conditions, but we have to remember that we are loved unconditionally by the One that brought us together.  His love for us covers all of our sins and if He can love us that way we need to do the same to our spouse.

When we married we made a commitment between 3 people; your spouse, yourself and Him.  He knows all of our sins, yet He still chooses to forgive and forget.  We need to be more like Him and grant that same grace to our spouse, because we know all of their sins as well and love makes up for practically everything.

His love is intimate

Day 17...Love promotes intimacy

Today's Dare: Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and pray for them.  Talk with your spouse and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues.  Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you.  Make them feel safe.

Men of the world, if you don't get anything else out of these 40 days, get this..."Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe."  Give your wife a few minutes of your day to download.  Either look her in the eyes or hold her close while she is talking to you.  Turn off the TV, the computer, put your phone on vibrate.  Don't give any advice, unless she asks for it.  Allow her to feel safe about sharing her feelings with you. 

Women are starved for personal intimacy.  Women need to talk and share their feelings and we need to feel like we can share with our mates.  If you give your wife/girlfriend a few minutes of your time each day I can promise you that she will feel closer to you and you will reap the benefits. 

No kids.  No phone.  No TV.  Just the two of you connecting on a deeper level.  Your mate will feel loved if you spare a few minutes to focus in on her and her thoughts.  Make this time a priority.  Schedule it, put in a reminder on your phone.  Show her love in a way that might be uncomfortable for you, but in a way that she will appreciate.

His love intercedes

Day 16...Love intercedes

Today's Dare: Begin praying today for your spouse's heart.  Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

I might not make any friends with this post but...when are we going to learn that nagging and complaining won't change our mate?  Women are especially bad at this.  We nag our male counterparts to death about stuff that we think they need to change, all the while contempt builds in their heart because they think we don't accept them for who they are and contempt never leads to anything good so the nagging ends up tearing the relationship apart.

We need to realize that we can't change our partners. We can berate them all day long, but that's not going to convince them to change their behavior, its just going to drive a wedge between the two of you.  The best way to get someone to change is to pray for a seed to be planted and for Him to nurture it as it grows.  But even better is to pray for a change in you to better understand your mate and their idiosyncrasies.

We fall in love with imperfect people, its not our job to change them.  We fall in love with the things that make them unique, don't allow their uniqueness to become an annoyance.  We fall in love with our mates because we feel they make us whole, make room for one more in your relationship allow room for Him to work in both of you.

You honor Him with your love

Day 15...Love is honorable

Today's dare: Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.  It may be holding the door for her.  It might be putting his clothes away for him.  It may be the way you listen or speak in your communication.  Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes. 

Honor is not a word we hear much any more.  When I think of honor, visions of men on horses in suits of armor come to mind.  I think of one of my favorite musicals, Camelot.  No, not the movie with the love triangle, the old musical theater production of Camelot.  In Camelot the knights lived by the code of chivalry.  They esteemed and honored those of the feminine persuasion.  Nowadays women and men as well are not given that high of a regard but that's not the way things are supposed to be.

We have the opportunity to honor and respect our significant other even when others around us are not, but even more so we have an opportunity to honor and respect our spouse when we feel like they don't deserve it. 

Take a moment this week to choose to honor and respect your partner, whether they deserve it or not.

His love delights

Day 14...Love takes delight

Today's dare: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.  Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on.  Just be together.   

There are my three favorite words..."Just be together."  You don't have to do something special.  You don't have to be doing anything really, just be together.

I think this comes easier in the beginning of relationships.  You want to spend as much time together as possible.  Yard work, school work, household chores all get pushed to the side because you want to see him or her, but as the relationship starts to age your quality time with each other starts to slip.  Stuff starts getting in the way.  We begin focusing on other things and we often neglect our significant other. 

Ahh, but here is another opportunity to show your partner that you love them.  Choose to do something with your spouse that reminds them that they come first in your life.  Put aside that remote.  Put down the computer.  Silence your phone and just be together.  Let them know that, "I'd rather be doing nothing with you then nothing alone."

His love is fair

Day 13 - Love fights fair

Today's dare: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement.  If your mate is not ready for this, then write your own personal rules to "fight" by.  Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

The military has rules of engagement, relationships should too. 

My rules of engagement are:

1. Don't fire even if fired upon
2. In the event of a bombing, stay calm and maintain focus
3. Don't ever mention the "atomic bomb"
4. Don't talk about yesterday's war during today's
5. If needed wave the white flag for surrender
6. Never go back to the barracks angry
7. Failure is not an option, a peace accord must be found

Does your relationship have rules of engagement?  If not take a moment and think of some of your own.  Put in place "We" rules and "I" rules.  Work hard at maintaining your "I" rules even when the "We" rules fall through.

His love always wins

Day 12....Love lets the other win

Today's dare: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Wow, this is a tough one because no one wants to lose a fight and no one wants to admit defeat. I know couples that go round and round hashing out the same arguments day after day, because they don't to admit they are wrong or at least bow out gracefully. Its a no-win situation to argue day after day about the same things.  Its no good if no one can take a step back and realize that sometimes the best approach to winning an argument is to losing.

The other day I wrote about opportunities, click here to read that post.  Like I said in that post, "opportunity" is my word for the year and this dare is about opportunities. Today's dare is about giving and receiving opportunities to love.  I know that it might sound silly that losing an argument is a great way to love your husband or wife but having someone respectfully say that that they understand your side of the disagreement and that loving you is more important then getting their point across, really means a lot. 

Now men I don't mean that you look at your wife and say, "Drop it" and then walk out of the room. (Actually men, don't ever say or do that to your wife.)  I mean lovingly letting them know that even though you might not agree with what they are saying, you love them to much to argue with them.  Just make sure that its said lovingly and respectfully, without any hint of sarcasm in your voice. 

And to the women, remember your husband is the leader of the relationship.  Make sure you give him room to do the leading.  When you give him the chance to lead, he will feel respected and respect to men means love. 

So the next time your tempted to argue with your significant other, remember that it is just another opportunity to show your spouse how much you love them.

His opportunities, part II

I was praying last night about something and the word "opportunity" came to mind.  I wrote about opportunity back at the beginning of the year.  In fact my word for the year is "opportunity" So instead of posting the Love Dare today, I thought I would talk more about my word.

In the beginning of the post on opportunity I said this:

Our Pastor spoke about opportunities on Sunday and one thing that he said has stuck with me since.  I knew what he said was true before he said it, but I guess hearing it from someone else made it ring even more true.  During the sermon he said that His opportunities never come wrapped up with a pretty bow, he said that opportunities rarely ever come with an instruction manual as well.  I have learned many things in the past year and certainly have learned that opportunities come from out of the ordinary places as well. 

Merrium Webster defines opportunity as this: 

1.: a favorable juncture of circumstances 
2: a good chance for advancement or progress

At the beginning of the year when I decided that my word would be "opportunity", I decided that if an opportunity presented itself I would take it.  For the past several years I had been hiding in the shadow of other people.  Afraid to stick my neck out and do something that someone else might think otherwise about.  I decided that this was my year to live and experience all that He has for me. 

So throughout the year, opportunities have presented themselves and I have stepped out in faith and taken them and though in the beginning they've seemed impossible He has seen or is seeing me through them. None of my opportunities have been wrapped nicely in a box with a bow, but He has always worked out the details.  As I keep walking and keep taking His opportunities, He continues to provide.

All of the opportunities have been a major blessing in my life. Without them I don't think I would be where I am right now.  They've kept me sane is what has been an insane few months.  They've kept me grounded and they've reminded me that I am worthy of love.  But the most important lesson that I have learned from my opportunities is that He is always looking out for me, even when I feel like I am all alone. 

Be on the lookout for His opportunities in your life, you'd be surprised how much you can learn from that step of faith.

He cherishes

Day 11...Love cherishes

Today's dare: What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run and errand? Give a back massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says. "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

What does it mean to cherish someone?  Speaking as a woman, here are a few things that make me feel cherished:

1. Having someone open my doors.  
2. Having someone listen as I spiderweb and talk things out.
3. Having someone worry about me.
4. Having someone praying for me.
5. Having someone support my endeavors.
6. Having someone give me their full attention when they are with me.
   
7. Having someone give me room to be myself.
8. Having someone apologize to me.
   
9. Having someone value my values.
   
10. Having someone lead me in the relationship.

How do you let your partner know that they are cherished?