His love delights

Day 14...Love takes delight

Today's dare: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.  Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on.  Just be together.   

There are my three favorite words..."Just be together."  You don't have to do something special.  You don't have to be doing anything really, just be together.

I think this comes easier in the beginning of relationships.  You want to spend as much time together as possible.  Yard work, school work, household chores all get pushed to the side because you want to see him or her, but as the relationship starts to age your quality time with each other starts to slip.  Stuff starts getting in the way.  We begin focusing on other things and we often neglect our significant other. 

Ahh, but here is another opportunity to show your partner that you love them.  Choose to do something with your spouse that reminds them that they come first in your life.  Put aside that remote.  Put down the computer.  Silence your phone and just be together.  Let them know that, "I'd rather be doing nothing with you then nothing alone."

His love is fair

Day 13 - Love fights fair

Today's dare: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement.  If your mate is not ready for this, then write your own personal rules to "fight" by.  Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

The military has rules of engagement, relationships should too. 

My rules of engagement are:

1. Don't fire even if fired upon
2. In the event of a bombing, stay calm and maintain focus
3. Don't ever mention the "atomic bomb"
4. Don't talk about yesterday's war during today's
5. If needed wave the white flag for surrender
6. Never go back to the barracks angry
7. Failure is not an option, a peace accord must be found

Does your relationship have rules of engagement?  If not take a moment and think of some of your own.  Put in place "We" rules and "I" rules.  Work hard at maintaining your "I" rules even when the "We" rules fall through.

His love always wins

Day 12....Love lets the other win

Today's dare: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Wow, this is a tough one because no one wants to lose a fight and no one wants to admit defeat. I know couples that go round and round hashing out the same arguments day after day, because they don't to admit they are wrong or at least bow out gracefully. Its a no-win situation to argue day after day about the same things.  Its no good if no one can take a step back and realize that sometimes the best approach to winning an argument is to losing.

The other day I wrote about opportunities, click here to read that post.  Like I said in that post, "opportunity" is my word for the year and this dare is about opportunities. Today's dare is about giving and receiving opportunities to love.  I know that it might sound silly that losing an argument is a great way to love your husband or wife but having someone respectfully say that that they understand your side of the disagreement and that loving you is more important then getting their point across, really means a lot. 

Now men I don't mean that you look at your wife and say, "Drop it" and then walk out of the room. (Actually men, don't ever say or do that to your wife.)  I mean lovingly letting them know that even though you might not agree with what they are saying, you love them to much to argue with them.  Just make sure that its said lovingly and respectfully, without any hint of sarcasm in your voice. 

And to the women, remember your husband is the leader of the relationship.  Make sure you give him room to do the leading.  When you give him the chance to lead, he will feel respected and respect to men means love. 

So the next time your tempted to argue with your significant other, remember that it is just another opportunity to show your spouse how much you love them.

His opportunities, part II

I was praying last night about something and the word "opportunity" came to mind.  I wrote about opportunity back at the beginning of the year.  In fact my word for the year is "opportunity" So instead of posting the Love Dare today, I thought I would talk more about my word.

In the beginning of the post on opportunity I said this:

Our Pastor spoke about opportunities on Sunday and one thing that he said has stuck with me since.  I knew what he said was true before he said it, but I guess hearing it from someone else made it ring even more true.  During the sermon he said that His opportunities never come wrapped up with a pretty bow, he said that opportunities rarely ever come with an instruction manual as well.  I have learned many things in the past year and certainly have learned that opportunities come from out of the ordinary places as well. 

Merrium Webster defines opportunity as this: 

1.: a favorable juncture of circumstances 
2: a good chance for advancement or progress

At the beginning of the year when I decided that my word would be "opportunity", I decided that if an opportunity presented itself I would take it.  For the past several years I had been hiding in the shadow of other people.  Afraid to stick my neck out and do something that someone else might think otherwise about.  I decided that this was my year to live and experience all that He has for me. 

So throughout the year, opportunities have presented themselves and I have stepped out in faith and taken them and though in the beginning they've seemed impossible He has seen or is seeing me through them. None of my opportunities have been wrapped nicely in a box with a bow, but He has always worked out the details.  As I keep walking and keep taking His opportunities, He continues to provide.

All of the opportunities have been a major blessing in my life. Without them I don't think I would be where I am right now.  They've kept me sane is what has been an insane few months.  They've kept me grounded and they've reminded me that I am worthy of love.  But the most important lesson that I have learned from my opportunities is that He is always looking out for me, even when I feel like I am all alone. 

Be on the lookout for His opportunities in your life, you'd be surprised how much you can learn from that step of faith.

He cherishes

Day 11...Love cherishes

Today's dare: What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run and errand? Give a back massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says. "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

What does it mean to cherish someone?  Speaking as a woman, here are a few things that make me feel cherished:

1. Having someone open my doors.  
2. Having someone listen as I spiderweb and talk things out.
3. Having someone worry about me.
4. Having someone praying for me.
5. Having someone support my endeavors.
6. Having someone give me their full attention when they are with me.
   
7. Having someone give me room to be myself.
8. Having someone apologize to me.
   
9. Having someone value my values.
   
10. Having someone lead me in the relationship.

How do you let your partner know that they are cherished?

His love is unconditional

Day 10...Love is unconditional

Today's dare: Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car.  Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite dessert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Unconditional love...for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.  Unconditional love doesn't waiver in bad times.  Unconditional love says I still love you even when you've hurt me.  Unconditional love means making a choice to find the good in your mate even when they are not acting so loveable.  Unconditional love means forgiveness, even when it's not deserved.  Unconditional love is something that we strive for in all relationships, but most come up short.

When we are dating, we all get that warm fuzzy feeling that we interpret as love, but like I have said before that feeling eventually wears off and we must continue to make choices to love our partner long after the feeling of love wears off.  Hopefully as the two of you grow in your relationship you have found things about each other that makes making that choice easy but sometimes we must rely on Him to give us the strength to love our partner because we all make mistakes and sometimes our partner is not as loveable as we would hope.

When we marry we make a covenant with our spouse and with Him.  We commit to love our spouse for the rest of our lives.  Commit to draw on His strength to carry our that commitment.

His love make good impressions

Day 9...Love makes good impressions

Today's Dare: Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm.  Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

Its always nice to know that you have been missed or that your partner is happy to see you.  Whether its been eight minutes, eight hours or eight days since the last time you saw your significant other, its comforting to know that you have been on their mind while they were gone and the way you great them says a lot.

As a women there are a couple key things I look for in a greeting from someone I love:

1. Their facial expression: What is the look on their face when they greet me?
2. Their body language: What is the position of their body when they greet me?
3. Their words: What do they say when they greet me?
4. Their tone of voice: What does their tone of voice say about their attitude when they greet me?

They are all important but I think for me the most important points are their words and tone of voice.  A hug is great but a hug and a kind word is even better. Words like, "Its so great to see you." or "I've been looking forward to seeing you all day." or "I've missed you." or even as simple as "I love you."  Words are very important to women, find reasons to speak love into your relationships.  Speak love at odd times, don't just wait until you are alone.  Try it, you'd be surprised how far a kind word will go to mend past hurts.

Love is not jealous

Day 8...Love is not jealous

Today's dare: Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed. 

I struggle with jealousy.  As someone with the love language of Quality Time, I get antsy when I feel like my quality time is being given to other people or things.  As I thought about what to write today, I started thinking about "My time".  First of all it's not my time anyway, it's my partners time, they decide what to do with it.  Secondly, certainly my partner cherishes the time we spend together just as much as I do, so it's doubtful that they are putting me second to whatever it is that they are doing and if they are I would be silly to think that there is not a good reason for their choosing. 

But as I continued to think about "My time", I read this in my devotional:

Come away with Me for a while.  The world, with it nonstop demands, can be put on hold.  Most people put Me on hold, rationalizing that someday they will find time to focus on Me.  But the longer people push Me into the background of their lives, the harder it is for them to find Me.

I have called you to follow Me on a solitary path, making time alone with Me your highest priority and deepest joy.  It is a pathway largely unappreciated and often despised.   However, you have chosen the better thing, which will never be taken away from you.  Moreover, as you walk close to Me, I can bless others through you. 

His love language is Quality Time as well.  He gets just as antsy as I do when His time with us is shortened because we are busying ourselves with other things.  Of course we all have good reasons.  Its our time, we choose how to use it, but if we value our relationship with Him as much as we do our earthly relationships we would certainly make more time for Him.  

As we reflect on our illegitimate jealousy for other people or things, let us also reflect on His legitimate jealousy towards us.   

His love believes the best

Day 7- Love believes the best

Today's Dare: For today's dare, get two sheets of paper.  On the first one, spend a few minutes writing positive things about your spouse. The do the same with negative things on the second sheet.  Place both sheet in a secret place for another day.  There is a different purpose and plan for each.  At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic. 

Take a moment and think back to your early stages of your relationship.  For some that maybe just recently and others it might be several years, but think back to those things that attracted you to your partner.  Remember those things you fell in love with, and put those characteristics on the list. Make the list of the positive attributes first, take as much time as needed because depending on your relationship the negative attributes might come very easy.

I'm sure after hearing about your irritating habits, you are probably ready to fire back, but use this time to focus on those things that are true, honorable and good.  Those are the things that keep a relationship headed in the right direction.  It's when we start spending to much time focusing on the negative that's when marriages fall apart.  We start saying things like, "He's not the same man I married." or "My wife is so selfish." or even worse, "I think I married the wrong person."

Sadly we all make mistakes.  We all say things we shouldn't and we hurt people that we love.  It's much easier to dwell on past hurts then focus on today's victories.   

His love is not irritable

Day 6...Love is not irritable

Today's dare: Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your relationship in loving ways instead of irritation.  Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.  Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life. 

Picture this situation:

The kids have been at each other all day.  The vacuum belt broke and the house smells like burnt rubber.  The dog is barking at the neighbor's cat while you are trying to talk to a friend in need.  Dinner is getting cold/overcooked because you talked to your husband an hour ago and he said he would be home in 20 minutes.  When he finally gets home, he asks if that's dinner he smells burning...

What is your response?  Do you respond in anger or love? Do you think that maybe there is a good explanation as to why he is late or wonder if his day has been just as stressful as yours?

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit mightier than he who captures a city." Proverbs 16:32

I know that I have been guilty of unloading on someone in anger.  Sure it made me feel better for a moment but what about my better half, how did it make them feel?

Surely the husband in that scenario had an equally as rough day.  Surely he didn't keep you waiting on purpose.  Of course his question about the burning smell was purely out of concern for your safety.  How would your response effect him and his time at home.

We make thousands of choices each day, but the most important choice we make is to relate to our partners with respect and compassion.  Our kind words might be the only nice thing they have heard all day.  Our reaction to a tough circumstance can be the difference between a good day and a bad day and our choice to react in love can remind them that we love them no matter what.

Don't wait until to tomorrow to show grace to your loved one, do it today.

His love is not rude

Day 5...Love is not rude

Today's dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause his or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you.  You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior.  This is from their perspective only.

 Wow that's a tough one.  I bet you could rattle off more then three things that your partner does that irritates you and at the same time be completely shocked when they do the same to you. 

I was trying to decide what I would say my most irritating qualities were and sadly I came up with several.

1. I'm messy...after having kids I've decided that having a spotless house is just not necessary
2. I don't like to fold laundry...if it was up to me, my laundry would be piled nicely in a chair
3. I don't make my bed...actually my bed gets made once a week, right after I wash the sheets
4. I probably talk too much...at least according to the opinion of someone I once knew
5. I'm emotional...I cry at odd moments
6. I'm opinionated 

Of course there maybe someone out there that finds those qualities attractive or at least liveable, so maybe those are some of my best qualities and I think that's what today's dare is about.  Those things that your partner may find annoying or irritating are just their opinion.  You can do what you want with it and if you do the right thing your relationship will probably grow closer.  If you decide that you don't want to change well that's your right.  But remember the second part of the dare...when they tell you the qualities that they don't like, don't justify or attack.  Sometimes just getting it out into the open will help ease the tension in the house.