I love watching "19 kids and counting". You know, its the show about the Duggars. The Arkansas couple that has 19 kids and 2 grand-kids. The show has been on for several years and each year since the show has aired they have had to change the name because Michelle keeps popping them out. I thought there was a possibility that next year the name was going to be 20 kids and counting but during the last episode Jim Bob mentioned that he thought their childbearing years were over.
In an episode called "38 kids and counting", the Duggars travel cross country in their tour bus, yes all 18 kids went with them, to visit another family that has 19 kids as well. I was struck by a conversation between Jim Bob and the other father. They both said that they were the happiest men on the earth because of the "Blessings (children) that He had bestowed on them." I was taken aback by their comment because there are people in this world that have 1 child and think that they are a hindrance to their life. They don't see them as blessings, they see them as obstacles.
I have 3 kids and more times then I would rather admit I haven't thought of them as blessings. Not to say that my kids aren't great but like all kids, some days are better then others. Each one of my children have had their own challenges growing up, my oldest especially.
One thing I don't like about "19 kids and counting" is that though its reality TV, it seems unreal because they don't ever show their kids struggling with tough stuff. Now I realize that as a homeschooling family with a strict belief system, they are not faced with the same challenges as most families are but sometimes its hard to relate to the Duggars and their "perfect" kids.
All kids face challenges, I'm sure if the Duggar kids went to public school or spent more time outside the confines of their home, their beliefs and values would be most certainly challenged. Like I said above, all of my children have faced challenges but I'd have to say that my oldest has done more struggling in his short 16 years then most people do in a lifetime.
When kids struggle I think its harder on the parents then it is on the kids, because the kids have a choice to make things better, the parents can't make them choose so all the parents can do is watch and wait. Although sometimes the parents do have a choice, they can choose to either continue to support their children while they struggle or not. But when you get to that point, most of the time there is only one option and its often a heart-breaking one.
Though my oldest has struggled for the past 10 years and especially for the last 2, I'm very proud of where he is now. Unfortunately I was faced with the decision to support or not to support him while he struggled. It was one of the hardest choices I had to make and my heart was tormented for almost a year while I had to keep him at arms length, but about 3 months ago I was finally able to see through my hurt and see the change that had taken place in him.
18 months ago I had all but given up on him. During that time I was certain that he was not a blessing. I had poured my heart and soul into him for months, years even and all I had gotten were lies and fakery. Obviously I couldn't help someone that didn't want to help themselves, plus I needed to recover from my own hurt so I made the decision to stop being involved in his life.
6 months ago if you would have asked me if he would ever be in my life again I would have given you a firm "No". I was so hurt by my son that I yelled at him in front of a room full of people during a meeting we were having several months ago but it was that meeting that started to melt my heart. It was the first time in years that I saw him cry and actually feel bad about what he had been doing to himself and our family. I had been carrying all of his guilt for all these years and finally he had shown that he had been affected by our suffering.
However it wasn't until a few months later that I had a moment when I finally let go of the hurt and anger. It was in that moment that I realized that no matter his struggles he was still a blessing and that his struggles were bringing him closer to his Heavenly Father and to our family.
Over the past several months I have been introduced to a totally different child. About 2 months ago He made a Fresh Start and then was water baptized. He's excited about getting to serve and really connecting in with our church home.
You can't always predict what children will do with their lives. Whether they will get good grades or behave well or even adhere to your standards and values. I bet even the Duggar parents pray everyday that their children will continue to follow in their footsteps and continue walking closely with their Heavenly Father, but what you can be assured of is that even wayward kids are still under the close watch of Him. He never leaves us or forsakes us. Even when we think we are far from His reach, He still has hold of us. But sometimes you just have to learn the hard way and in learning the hard way, we become even closer to our Creator because eventually we see that His love is unconditional and that He never gave up on us. He was only allowing us to find Him in our own time.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
He is faithfull
We are in a series in church called "Faith" and this weekend Pastor read Mark 9:17-29. I don't know that I have read that scripture before or at least I read it and didn't think it pertained to me, but now I see I can relate to the father in this story, in fact I think we can all relate to the father.
In a nut shell here's the story...The father brings his son to see the Son because he is possessed by a spirit. The Son isn't there when he gets there so the Disciples give it a go and they end up in a fight with some religious leaders. Upon hearing the commotion, the Son asks what was happening and the father says that his son needs a healing but the Disciples couldn't do it. The father then says "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
And that's the point in the story where we can all relate. The father says, "IF you can do anything." He's brought the child all the way to see Him, but his unbelief makes him say "if". This story is in stark contrast to the woman with the bleeding disorder (Luke 8:43-48), who's faith is so strong that she believes that just touching the hem of His cloak will heal her. We all have days of strong and weak faith, but I think most of us when faced with a mountain we often say, "if" when asking for it to be moved.
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2006. I remember getting the call from the nurse and I could tell that the nurse was crying as she read me the pathology report. She said luckily we had caught it in the early stages but I would need to come in immediately for a biopsy. So a few days later I went in to see my Doctor and with my mother at my side my doctor told me that the only way to get cervical cancer was to be sleeping around with several partners. The knowledge that I wasn't sleeping around and knowing that the virus HPV causes cervical cancer kept me from kicking him in the head as he was examining me and at the end of the visit he recommended surgery in the coming weeks to remove cancer. After the surgery the pathology report came back with news that we didn't want to hear. The cancer was starting to spread and I would have to see a specialist. Without being told I knew what more surgery would mean for my future, so I went to Him for help.
I remember that Sunday vividly. I remember where I was standing in the church and who was praying for me. I remember crying out to Him for healing but I remember sitting down after the prayer and wondering if I had been healed. Its not that I didn't believe He couldn't do it, it was that I wasn't sure if I was worthy or important enough to receive the miracle.
I was a very young Christian at that point, less then a year into my journey. Not that I am any better now, but I was still really struggling with my belief in His power. I was part of the prayer team and often prayed for others healing and never thought for a moment that they weren't healed but when it was my turn to step out in faith, I had my doubts.
"I mean, I'm not anyone special." "I'd been away from Him for so long certainly He had forgotten about me." "My cancer was payback for my past sins." "I wasn't tithing so because I wasn't being faithful, He wouldn't even look in my direction." Those were all the things I was thinking while I waited for the results of my second biopsy. I couldn't convince myself that I was important or good enough to have received such a gift.
Finally the day came when I was to hear the results. I was totally prepared. I had almost convinced myself that another surgery wouldn't completely end any chance of an intimate relationship with my spouse. I had processed all the possibilities of chemo or radiation and their side effects. As I sat in the waiting room full of cancer patients I tried not to break down in tears as I noticed their frail bodies and thinning hair. I sat in that waiting room for what seemed like hours. I was alone and scared never realizing that I could go to Him even in this moment, but finally I was called back and a few minutes later the Doctor came in.
I don't remember much about what the Doctor said except that I was totally cancer free. After I heard that I tuned him out and stared out the window at the beautiful prayer garden that was below me. As I stared I breathed a sign of relief and realized that I was important enough to Him for the gift of a miracle. The scripture that came to mind at that moment was Matthew 6:26.
So the moral of the story is: Even in our disbelief. Even when we feel unworthy, we are still worthy of wholeness.
In a nut shell here's the story...The father brings his son to see the Son because he is possessed by a spirit. The Son isn't there when he gets there so the Disciples give it a go and they end up in a fight with some religious leaders. Upon hearing the commotion, the Son asks what was happening and the father says that his son needs a healing but the Disciples couldn't do it. The father then says "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
And that's the point in the story where we can all relate. The father says, "IF you can do anything." He's brought the child all the way to see Him, but his unbelief makes him say "if". This story is in stark contrast to the woman with the bleeding disorder (Luke 8:43-48), who's faith is so strong that she believes that just touching the hem of His cloak will heal her. We all have days of strong and weak faith, but I think most of us when faced with a mountain we often say, "if" when asking for it to be moved.
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2006. I remember getting the call from the nurse and I could tell that the nurse was crying as she read me the pathology report. She said luckily we had caught it in the early stages but I would need to come in immediately for a biopsy. So a few days later I went in to see my Doctor and with my mother at my side my doctor told me that the only way to get cervical cancer was to be sleeping around with several partners. The knowledge that I wasn't sleeping around and knowing that the virus HPV causes cervical cancer kept me from kicking him in the head as he was examining me and at the end of the visit he recommended surgery in the coming weeks to remove cancer. After the surgery the pathology report came back with news that we didn't want to hear. The cancer was starting to spread and I would have to see a specialist. Without being told I knew what more surgery would mean for my future, so I went to Him for help.
I remember that Sunday vividly. I remember where I was standing in the church and who was praying for me. I remember crying out to Him for healing but I remember sitting down after the prayer and wondering if I had been healed. Its not that I didn't believe He couldn't do it, it was that I wasn't sure if I was worthy or important enough to receive the miracle.
I was a very young Christian at that point, less then a year into my journey. Not that I am any better now, but I was still really struggling with my belief in His power. I was part of the prayer team and often prayed for others healing and never thought for a moment that they weren't healed but when it was my turn to step out in faith, I had my doubts.
"I mean, I'm not anyone special." "I'd been away from Him for so long certainly He had forgotten about me." "My cancer was payback for my past sins." "I wasn't tithing so because I wasn't being faithful, He wouldn't even look in my direction." Those were all the things I was thinking while I waited for the results of my second biopsy. I couldn't convince myself that I was important or good enough to have received such a gift.
Finally the day came when I was to hear the results. I was totally prepared. I had almost convinced myself that another surgery wouldn't completely end any chance of an intimate relationship with my spouse. I had processed all the possibilities of chemo or radiation and their side effects. As I sat in the waiting room full of cancer patients I tried not to break down in tears as I noticed their frail bodies and thinning hair. I sat in that waiting room for what seemed like hours. I was alone and scared never realizing that I could go to Him even in this moment, but finally I was called back and a few minutes later the Doctor came in.
I don't remember much about what the Doctor said except that I was totally cancer free. After I heard that I tuned him out and stared out the window at the beautiful prayer garden that was below me. As I stared I breathed a sign of relief and realized that I was important enough to Him for the gift of a miracle. The scripture that came to mind at that moment was Matthew 6:26.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"The end of Luke 8:43-48 goes something like this... the Son rebukes the father and says "Everything is possible for those that believe." The father cries out and says, "I do believe, help me with my disbelief!" The Son calls the spirit by name and the spirit left the child.
So the moral of the story is: Even in our disbelief. Even when we feel unworthy, we are still worthy of wholeness.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
He is abundant
"On this day of your life, Abigail, we believe God wants you to know...that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive. God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need. Think now what can you do to make yourself ready?"That was my randomly generated "Message from God" on Facebook this evening, I don't put much stock in them but I found it interesting so I thought I would talk about it.
We just finished a mini-series at Church called "5", five steps that will change your life. The 5 steps were:
- Baptism
- Tithing
- The Altar
- Communion
- Worship
Being vulnerable is hard. It requires trust and a step of faith. Trust is hard to come by most of the time and that step of faith is one of the scariest things you might do, but its those steps that bring us closer to Him.
So I was pondering my "Message from God":
"...that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive. God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need. Think now what can you do to make yourself ready."Its highly doubtful that my Creator is waiting on me for anything. He doesn't withhold things from us, He freely gives. He continues to offer everything to me. He's not holding anything back from me.
However I am a comfortable christian. For those of you that know me, you might be shaking your head on this one because I walk out my faith. I serve, I tithe, I worship unabashedly. I pray, out loud in public where other people can hear me. I follow the 11th commandment and really, really, really love but for me its easy to do those things. I'm comfortable doing those things. I don't see those things as strange or odd or out of the ordinary because I surround myself with people that do those things but when faced with the reality of completely letting go, I come to a complete stop.
I don't know if I have an A type personality but I like things clean, tidy and orderly. I've found that when letting go and letting Him take the lead, things are not always clean, tidy and orderly or at least they don't feel that way.
Months ago faced with the end of my marriage, the loss of my home, the loss of my job and the apparent loss of my future, I was desperate. Things were not at all clean, tidy and orderly during that time. My friends rallied around me and kept my head from sinking to deep but I was at a complete stop because I knew that only He could get me through this. I was scared to death. I didn't want to be vulnerable. My heart was crushed, I couldn't trust anyone. After this much heartache, why would I allow myself to be hurt again?
So I started "wandering in the desert". (If you'd like to read more about that journey go back into the archives to mid-February and read forward to Easter.) For a while I despised the desert, thinking that I was being punished much the same way the Israelites were because of my lack of faith, but then I started to realize that much like the Israelites, He was taking care of me. I was provided for at every turn. I was clothed and fed and sheltered. Everything I needed was supplied for me.
He wasn't waiting on me to ask or change. He freely gave because He loves me and takes care of me but I still was responsible to reply to His gracious gifts. So I did and I walked out of the desert with my head held high. It was a momentous day for many reasons but I left the desert knowing that my Heavenly Father adored me. I was His daughter. I was precious and loved.
He loves you that way as well.
Friday, October 7, 2011
He is there
I've heard people say these things over and over again:
You see the enemy is very clever. He knows that as we are cruising through life all we need is one small distraction and we can crash. Its the enemy's job to isolate and distract us from our relationships especially our relationship with Him and unfortunately he's really good at his job. In fact he's so full of himself that he even tries his tactics on the Son Himself in Matthew 4:1-11.
When distraction comes what can we do? Are we powerless to overcome or are we able to imitate the Son and tell the enemy to get behind us.
I've certainly felt powerless and once that feeling sets in you literally become powerless to overcome much of anything. As isolation starts to creep in, you start pulling away from people and things that you love. You start feeling unworthy so you pull away from your quiet times or your devotionals. The distraction starts to take over your thoughts and you start to worry excessively. You feel out of control. Your moods keep changing. You snap at others. The enemy has total control now.
The enemy has me pegged. He knows exactly what to do to get my attention, especially around this time of the year. (If you want to read more about that click here.) I'd like to say that with each passing year I get better at ignoring him, but I don't. I try really hard but I fail miserably each year. He's just to good at his job.
The enemy knows that my distraction is in my relationships, because of my past I worry a lot about my future and when I worry I start focusing on the negative and not the positive and that's when he gains control. Its really difficult for me to "Let go and let God."
A lot of us study the names of our Heavenly Father, if you don't know them they are linked below:
"When we are on the right path that's when trouble comes." or "When your doing something significant, distraction is always nearby."In His Word there are all sorts of mentions of trouble. In fact the Word says that "In your life there will be trouble." Not there might be trouble but there will be trouble.
You see the enemy is very clever. He knows that as we are cruising through life all we need is one small distraction and we can crash. Its the enemy's job to isolate and distract us from our relationships especially our relationship with Him and unfortunately he's really good at his job. In fact he's so full of himself that he even tries his tactics on the Son Himself in Matthew 4:1-11.
When distraction comes what can we do? Are we powerless to overcome or are we able to imitate the Son and tell the enemy to get behind us.
I've certainly felt powerless and once that feeling sets in you literally become powerless to overcome much of anything. As isolation starts to creep in, you start pulling away from people and things that you love. You start feeling unworthy so you pull away from your quiet times or your devotionals. The distraction starts to take over your thoughts and you start to worry excessively. You feel out of control. Your moods keep changing. You snap at others. The enemy has total control now.
The enemy has me pegged. He knows exactly what to do to get my attention, especially around this time of the year. (If you want to read more about that click here.) I'd like to say that with each passing year I get better at ignoring him, but I don't. I try really hard but I fail miserably each year. He's just to good at his job.
The enemy knows that my distraction is in my relationships, because of my past I worry a lot about my future and when I worry I start focusing on the negative and not the positive and that's when he gains control. Its really difficult for me to "Let go and let God."
A lot of us study the names of our Heavenly Father, if you don't know them they are linked below:
Jehovah Shammah, "The Lord is There":
- El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
- El Elyon (The Most High God)
- Adonai (Lord, Master)
- Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
- Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
- Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
- Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
- Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
- Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
- Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
- El Olam (The Everlasting God)
- Elohim (God)
- Qanna (Jealous)
- Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
- Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
- Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts)
"The name indicates that God has not abandoned Jerusalem, leaving it in ruins, but that there will be a restoration."I think that's fitting. "He has not abandoned us, He will restore us." We can worry all we want, but "He is there." Even when we are in deep, "He is there." Even when we are sucked into doubt, "He is there." Because "He is there" we can stand up with the truth and empower ourselves to tell the enemy to get behind us. We will overcome because "He is there."
Follow Him, He'll show you how
Trust...it's something that I have a problem with. Not the concept but the action. It effects all parts of my life, my relationships especially. I really feel for the people that am in relationship with because I always keep them at arms length. Even the people that I do let in, I still have my eye on them. I'm always waiting for them to hurt me in someway and unfortunately even something small can send me spinning. I'm really great at sabotaging my own relationships, especially my relationship with Him.
I know that might not make sense, but I think we all do that with our Heavenly Father. We can "Trust and Obey" while things are going good and as soon as something goes south we run and hide. Of course its not always that extreme, but we all have our moments. We are only human, right? We're not perfect.
My lack of trust always leads me to asking for signs.
Luke 9:23-24 keeps coming up in my converstations this week, it says:
We are only human. He uses our past as a stepping stone to our future. Don't allow your past to interfere with your present. Allow Him to change you "from the inside out"
I know that might not make sense, but I think we all do that with our Heavenly Father. We can "Trust and Obey" while things are going good and as soon as something goes south we run and hide. Of course its not always that extreme, but we all have our moments. We are only human, right? We're not perfect.
My lack of trust always leads me to asking for signs.
"I'll believe that everything will be ok if you send me a sign. Make it a big one, so I don't miss it. Maybe have someone else notice it as well, that way I'll know for sure. Yeah, that will be great...thanks."Sometimes my signs are big and not easily missed. Other times if I'm not paying close attention I miss my sign and don't realize until later that I got it, but He is always faithful and He always responds to my pleas.
Luke 9:23-24 keeps coming up in my converstations this week, it says:
The Message says it this way:
23-27Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."This verse stands out in this scripture:
"Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."I read it this way...The only way to overcome your past is through self-sacrifice. Deny those urges to respond to your future the way you have responded in your past and the only way to deny those urges is to look to Him for guidance. We can't do it ourselves. We can't go it alone. We need help and help is always available, all we have to do is ask.
We are only human. He uses our past as a stepping stone to our future. Don't allow your past to interfere with your present. Allow Him to change you "from the inside out"
Thursday, October 6, 2011
His recovery program
I'm tired. I grow weary of constant change. I'm jaded by people's fickleness. I'm exhausted by struggling or failing relationships. I'm worn out from juggling all my hats. I'm spent, I need rest. I need help recovering and healing from my life.
In the Message, Matthew 11:28-30 says this:
We'd all like to take a moment and recover from our busy lives. We'd like to get away from our problems or troubles just for a little while. It's one of the best feelings to feel free and unburdened. We could "soar on the wings of eagles" if we were able to leave our burdens behind, if even for a few moments.
I know I carry my share of burdens and often I carry other people's burdens as well. For almost two years I carried someone else's heavy burden of guilt and shame, all because it seemed that they weren't interested in carrying it themselves. That burden along with my own relational burdens really drug me down. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn't see the light, but someone reminded me to look up because as I sat at the altar the light was literally in front of me, I just needed to raise my head.
We all fall short of remembering that He is bigger then our situation. He is the one in control not us. We often turn back towards our past when things get ugly but that's what so great about Him. No matter how far we stray. No matter how far we run. No matter how impatient we become, He's always there waiting. The promises don't change. The love is unconditional and the grace is overwhelming.
So the next time you're faced with reality, remember that "His burden is light." Turn your attention to your Heavenly Father and remember He is walking with you.
In the Message, Matthew 11:28-30 says this:
28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."The NIV says it this way:
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Often people quote that verse and then tell you that He will never give you more then you can handle. When I hear people say that I just want to scream because at that specific moment the person already feels like they can't handle what they have been given, and that's not at all what this verse says. The verse says that His burden is light, not yours. The verse says to "Come to Him all who are heavy burdened and He will give you rest." I really like the way the Message puts it, "Get away with me and you'll recover from your life."
We'd all like to take a moment and recover from our busy lives. We'd like to get away from our problems or troubles just for a little while. It's one of the best feelings to feel free and unburdened. We could "soar on the wings of eagles" if we were able to leave our burdens behind, if even for a few moments.
I know I carry my share of burdens and often I carry other people's burdens as well. For almost two years I carried someone else's heavy burden of guilt and shame, all because it seemed that they weren't interested in carrying it themselves. That burden along with my own relational burdens really drug me down. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn't see the light, but someone reminded me to look up because as I sat at the altar the light was literally in front of me, I just needed to raise my head.
We all fall short of remembering that He is bigger then our situation. He is the one in control not us. We often turn back towards our past when things get ugly but that's what so great about Him. No matter how far we stray. No matter how far we run. No matter how impatient we become, He's always there waiting. The promises don't change. The love is unconditional and the grace is overwhelming.
So the next time you're faced with reality, remember that "His burden is light." Turn your attention to your Heavenly Father and remember He is walking with you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)